the Kimlers...

We Are ALIVE!!

2012-01-29T06:53:00.000-08:00

So this is the start of my second

FULL week back at work.

If you aren't following me on Facebook

then I'll fill you in about some recent changes.

The Monday after we arrived home

after having Elia,

I got a phone call from the boss

for a position I applied for in September.

I got a heads up about an upcoming opening for this position

by my current boss prior to having Elia.

Well, She called and offered me the Job

that I had already applied for.

I started on the 18th back at work as a

Targeted Case Manager for Vera French Mental Health Center.

I worked at VF previously since 2009

and hopefully now am settled in

to a position for a little while.

So I started work.

PHEW..

Holy Moly,

this was a lot more difficult than I had thought about.

I never thought i'd be able to get out of the house in time

and not be late for work.

Well we survived, and

for the most part we are all doing well.

Elia did have her 2month doctor visit on the 12th,

and she is 10lb 12oz, 21 3/4 inch long and is going great.

See..

She fell asleep while I cut her nails before her bath.

Too cute!!

and..

And these are her new diapers.

We use the Bumgenius Elemental All in Ones

and she LOVES them.

I know you might think i sound crazy for knowing how much she

LOVES them but seriously.

She can sit in these bad boys for any amount of time

and not care it's full.

EVEN POOP!

Sorry I said it.

But when our washer broke and we had to order new parts

I wasn't about to hand wash her diapers,

I know, bad mommy.

SO we used the disposables we have stashed and

she'd barely go to the bathroom and scream and cry until she gets

it changed.
That's probably why we went through 11 boxes of diapers in a 2 months.

Oh well, we're back on them!

I changed her diaper at this 5am feeding and

she fell asleep once her head hit the pad

and stayed until i finished.

She's so silly.

I might be a little more worn and exhausted but she is worth

it and I have to remind myself of this,

when i reach for the second

thermos of coffee.

For a fake coffee drinker,

I'm really depending on it these days.

Hope you all have a great day!

Need to feed Elia again,

and then off to church.

If only her Dad could get up to join us!!!

Sleepy heads!

-Cassie

Bringing Elia into the World (Part 2)

2012-01-17T06:56:00.000-08:00

So I know it has been a while,

and for that I apologize.

We've been busy soaking up as much

family time as possible

and now, tomorrow

is my first day back at work

since having Elia.

Definitely a hard week.

But I thought, I really need to finish her birth story

before I head back.

For me, hopefully

this is closure.

I've obviously been seen by many doctors

both for her and I since having her

and explaining this experience,

I still cry.

I want that to change.

So here's here we left off...

After telling Dr. J that I didn't feel his

lack of "encouraging" words were helping

I remember sitting on the table thing

and just looked at him crying.

I told him that just because I'm diabetic

and I'm not past 2cm dilated doesn't mean

I will necessarily have complications.

and he then continued to try more to

convince me that yes, it doesn't mean I WILL

but I could and hurt myself and her.

I remember him asking me

over and over what I want to do.

HELLO, i'm sitting here,

alone, almost 40weeks

pregnant,

uncomfortable with a LARGE amount of

fluid,

tired, wanting my unborn child to be healthy and okay

and I don't know what to do.

I told him,

This is what I want,

I want to deliver Elia as naturally as I can,

with the option.

I want to have her on Friday, 11.11.11,

her due date unless she decides to come on her own.

I want my husband and younger sister in the room with me,

and I'm obviously okay with being induced.

The entire time I was telling him this,

he rolled his eyes and smiled.

When I finished,

he laughed and said,

"Well, that's not going to happen."

How's Wednesday for you?

I asked him, "WHAT?"

He told me that since he is gone Friday on vacation,

he can't,

and Thursday he is too busy in the office

and doesn't want to schedule anything extra.

So Wednesday am, sounds good?

UGGH, I couldn't believe him.

I didn't want this.

I continued to tell him this is NOT what I want.

That all i wanted was to keep to our

birth plan as much as we could.

So far, I am getting nothing for the

experience I've thought about,

wanted,

dreamed about and prepared for.

I was certainly not mentally prepared for this experience.

He told me again,

Well go home to Austin and see what he has to say,

and get back to me tomorrow,

we can still schedule your C-Section tomorrow

for Wednesday.

I raised my voice and told him

there is no discussing this with Austin.

I am a woman, I am the one pregnant

carrying a baby girl

and I AM THE ONE TO DECIDE.

Austin is NOT the one going to tell me what I want to do

and frankly, Dr. J,

Austin would be pissed as much as I,

that you aren't listening to me,

when he's going to be there making sure

I am getting the care I WANT and NEED.

He stood there cold, with his arms

crossed over his chest and said,

I remember this like it was yesterday,

"Well, I can't sit here all day watching you cry."

Just schedule the C-Section,

have a baby girl,

no complications,

and the deal is over.

I just put my head down and cried.

alone.

He just watched me.

We had been in his office now, for almost an hour

and a half.

I asked him if this was his wife what would he do,

knowing she wanted NOTHING of this.

He said, I would tell her I wouldn't want

a dead child.

And I would tell her she's having a c-section.

No questions.

After sitting there being so upset,

so alone,

and completely appalled that this man, 4 days before

was the kindest, most compassionate Dr. I had found for an OB

here

has changed so much.

I no longer trusted him,

or what he would do to me if I

decided to have it.

I asked him what the procedure would be like,

and what we had to do.

All I remember hearing while my worst

nightmare was becoming a reality

was..

5:30am,

nurse gets you prepped,

Anesthesiology comes in.

your wheeled into the OR,

Austin's allowed in,

i cut you open.

after 15 minutes,

pain and complications free

you'll have a baby.

just that.

After a few minutes just feeling like

I had no choices,

I had nothing left in me to fight him,

he wasn't listening,

he didn't care anymore,

it was just for his convenience,

he said, in the most annoying chipper voice

as he walked eagerly to the door,

Okay, Wednesday it is.

and left.

After I sat there crying for a few more minutes

his younger nurse came in and

said,

Dr. J said to go see Tracy and she'll get you the

paperwork.

I have to get the room ready

for the next patient.

For me this was a dream.

This wasn't happening.

I had no idea who this doctor was,

I had no idea who I was looking at,

or what I was getting myself into.

Before I left that room, I felt Elia kick.

I hadn't remembered her kick the entire time

we were in there

"talking"

My face was all red,

tears strolling down my eyes.

Tracy looked at me and she started

getting tears in her eyes.

She handed me the papers

and said softly,

"cheer up hunny, good luck Wednesday"

The entire room was full of woman.

I remember this one woman,

who i've seen a couple times,

she seemed pretty far along in her pregnancy

just look at me and her

facial expression changed to such a sad look.

frown almost. Maybe she too was ready to cry with me.

I walked to the car and as soon as I touched the outside door

from the building,

I just blew out crying.

So hard.

I waited in my car crying until I could speak

to Austin.

I think it took 10 minutes almost.

I told him,

and I was so numb I don't remember anything but

telling him I have a c-section scheduled for Wednesday

November 9th and we had to be there at 5:30am.

I don't remember anything else from that day.

After a few hours i finished paperwork at the house

and cried myself to a nap.

I ignored all phone calls and texts'

from family asking how my appointment went.

I just couldn't tell them.

Austin came home, we talked about it.

I can honestly say, I've never seen my husband

so upset in all my life with him.

the next day, Tuesday,

I called Dr. J's office,

and told them I did not want to have a c-section tomorrow,

I was not happy,

He treated me very badly in his office,

I want to try to have her naturally,

and that is it. No more

discussing "options".

Tracy then gave the phone to his main nurse

and she then told me,

well, there is nothing she can do,

because I can't have her on the 11th,

because he is gone and for some reason,

we cannot find any of your paperwork

before this past week.

I told her you are kidding me.

I have been in your office, for the past 3 months, twice a week,

then before that twice a month for 3 months before that.

And you are telling me, ______, that you no longer have

any of my records from yesterday?

She confirmed, Yes that is true.

I told her you guys are seriously a joke.

That is such a lie. How can you magically lose all of my paperwork

overnight.

He knew how he spoke to me yesterday, and

how unprofessional and rude he was.

I will not accept that answer, ____.

She then said here, I'm giving you to Darcy.

So I then had to explain to her.

I'll keep it short by saying,

I wished I would have hung up the phone on her.

She told me "he never goes on vacation"

"he deserves to go on vacation"

"he works very hard, and long hours"

"he has a stressful job"

"for his mental health he needs to go on vacations when he can schedule them"

I stopped her, and told her

no one needs to talk to me about HIS MENTAL HEALTH.

I then told her, I was no longer speaking

and my husband will take care of it.

I hung up.

Austin then made phone calls to and from

Dr. J's office,

the previous OB office i went to trying to get in,

and even talked with his boss's doctor.

Dr. J's office gave him the same line of BS that I got too.

The only thing of importance said, was that,

we could come in and talk with Dr. J at 1pm

but if we need to cancel for tomorrow they need to know asap

because the Hospital doesn't appreciate

or can't handle

when scheduled cancellations happen.

the old OB office i went to, said at first they would ask the doctors,

then we got the okay.

then I got a phone call,

as I hadn't called them at all,

Austin did

and a different lady called me quickly after they got off the phone with Austin

and told me that

they now feel i am too much at risk,

that my BP is elevated,

My diabetes is not well managed,

and my excess fluid is too much of a liability for them

to take me on as a patient again.

I just hung up the phone.

None of this information was accurate.

Since when is an A1C of 5.3 uncontrolled

or a BP at 40 weeks pregnant 100/62 average bad

and yes, I did have more fluid, as all diabetes

often carry more, which

is no harm to any of us.

I told Austin, he said Darcy must have called them

since he had JUST gotten off the phone with

a different lady at the old OB office.

From there, I turned in all my finished paperwork

to my boss.

Texted our family and told them we are having

a c-section tomorrow morning,and we will give them all the

details when it's finished

and we aren't talking about what happened, just

need to be at peace.

The next day we showed up at the ER,

and as we left to check in,

I saw Elia' name written in the caulk surrounding the window

of the ER check in.

I looked at Austin,

held his hand

we both looked at eachother and shed a few tears while he took this photo.

The lady looked after asking what we were taking a photo of.

As we walked to the elevator,

we both just kept saying,

this must be a sign we will both be okay.

Then we had to convince the nurse who was going

to be getting me ready and in the OR

that we didn't want this decision but that

we don't want to be mad anymore.

Austin took these last photos of me

pregnant on

11.9.11

I did find out, from that fantastic nurse,

that you can come into the hospital

with out a doctor

and they will help you.

She kept trying to tell us,

we can fire him right now, and see someone else.

But I just needed to stop being mad and to

meet Elia.

then after being 11 minutes behind schedule,

it took exactly

11 minutes for her to be born

and at 7:22am we had Elia.

She was born at 7:22am, weighing 8lb 4 oz

and 19 1/2 inches long.

No signs of any complications or problems.

Everyday I remind myself how lucky I am

to have her,

how one man made that day a day, I didn't want yet,

but the prize of dealing with that emotional

week ended when we had

our little girl.

She is everything, and we are so lucky that

God blessed us with this

beautiful, healthy, growing

little girl.

Elia Irene Kimler!!

Two Months...

2012-01-05T08:46:00.000-08:00

Little Girl you are

two months old on

Monday.

Where does time go?

You used to be just a little bug at 8lbs and

shrinking.. all the way to 7lbs

and then you started growing more.. and more

at just 2 weeks old at the Festival of Trees Parade

To hanging out with friends before Christmas

to bathtimes with Momma

at almost 5 weeks

to at Five weeks....

This is how I carry you during the day so you

sleep and let Mommy do things around the house!

I LOVE the MOBY WRAP!!!

And so do you.

When your cranky or not feeling well

because of your tummy

you like to be as close to mommy as possible.

So i wrap myself up and slide you in

and a miracle happens..

You're happy!

You still have tummy trouble,

but afterwards, all you want is me to hold you.

Here we are at 6 weeks little girl.. all snuggly!

You're enjoying watching everything around you,

especially lights, fans, Kahuna and the

christmas lights daddy hung around the ceiling of our living room.

You love watching moving objects, and

listening to any kind of music.

I think you prefer Christmas music

but you do enjoy animal sound lullibies!

Little girl,

You are growing so fast,

and catching on to things.

You know when Mommy is around,

You know when Kahuna is near because of her collar

but when it's night time and we take her *necklace*

off, she sneaks up on you!!

You love it when Daddy comes home from work,

and you love to hear your little musical panda

that hangs from your carseat.

You DO NOT like to be too hot,

but you typically love your bathtimes.

Almost each time Mommy feeds you

you or gets you to sleep in her arms

her darn insulin pump goes off.

But I don't think you mind,

you quite enjoy that extra vibration under your butt

or your head!!

You enjoy when we lay you flat on your back and you can

kick and groove your little body

and look around.

When you wave your arms

vigorously in

the air while your feeding or just finished eating

that means you need to burp

You like to be bounced around all day in

Mommy's arms and when anyone

else holds you and she hears

that cry or whine,

she knows you just want a little bounce in your step!

Mommy and Daddy's life will never be the same

little sweet girl

and we are so thankful for that.

Even when we are tired,

or rushed

we have to to thank with that sweet smile

or wondering eyes

that we are so lucky for you to be in our lives

and how lucky we are to have a

healthy baby girl

in our home.

Thank you little girl for being patient with us

and for letting Mommy and Daddy

learn all about you!!

We are so lucky and

can't believe you are almost 2 months old!!!

Plus, your just now fitting better in

0-3month clothes, so your

wardrobe just got

about 80% bigger!!!

Bringing Elia into the world.. [part 1]

2011-12-12T14:13:00.000-08:00

I figured i'd get as much written as I can while

the bean naps.

I also want you all to know this has taken me a while

1. because of the time not available

2. I never really know how to start this

and

3. I think i'm to the point where i'm a little less angry and feel

I can give you all details with out my attitude showing through.

so here it goes..

Tuesday November 1, 2011

I had my ultrasound to check on Elia's growth.

I went alone, since Austin can't really take time off

and She was moving around beautifully, sucking on her fingers and thumbs

and we even saw her hair moving in the fluid.

I'm still carrying more fluid than the average woman,

that put me a week over due for size (me not the baby).

At this point 38 weeks 4 days Elia was measuring

8lb10oz on her machine. From the previous Ultrasound of 7lb 15oz(i think)

two weeks earlier.

They said all was good, and no concerns other than my extra fluid.

Which so you know, Diabetes carry more amniotic fluid

than normal pregnant mothers. There is no harm to the

baby because of this, it just means,

bigger belly, more uncomfortable

and baby(ies) get more swimming room.

I left thinking this was my last one and no worries, she'll be here before

I'd have to come back.

Thanked the Lady.

I was having pretty painful contractions and having a difficult time.

I went for a few walks to try and push this along,

as they lasted pretty long, and continued to get

more intense.

As they continued to increase even when I was resting

I decided along with Austin to call the Ob Doctor and see what I should do.

After waiting for Austin to get off work,

we went to the hospital thinking this was the beginning of labor

and after being there for a few hours,

monitoring my contractions

and then

making sure I wasn't leaking fluid (which i wasn't)

we were sent home.

Not a happy camper, but I was so uncomfortable and in pain

I wasn't sure it could hurt that much worse.

Thursday November 3rd, 2011-

I went in for my normal Non stress test at 8:30am like clockwork. I

had these every Monday and Thursday and following my NST

on Thursday I then had my exam.

This exam was just like the past few,

contractions still there,

super uncomfortable- still there

baby dropped- check

and I was measuring at around 1cm dilated.

So not moving the way I want but not too big of a deal.

OB Doctor asked me to think about what I want for

delivery methods and what is

important for me

as far as my birth plan goes.

We discussed "our"

plan.

Well my plan, was to try to have our daughter naturally,

meaning vaginally, would be induced if I had to, but wanted to try.

I wanted to break the cycle of every diabetic i've heard of

having a C-Section. My blood pressure was beautiful, my blood sugars

were awesome,

there is no concern or reason for anything but trying naturally.

I discussed this thoroughly with my OB Doctor and we were

both clear what we wanted, discussed her due date being on the 11th,

the following Friday.

He reviewed with me, like usual what to do if I think i'm in labor,

who to call, the signs and of course

to call him if i feel anything is wrong, like

bleeding, pain in different areas which he pointed out to me

or decrease in fetal movements.

He then said he'll see me on Monday.

Weekend went and passed. Same amount of contractions

and same pain. Now i'm to the point where this isn't labor and I'm

getting used to the pain being so intense i am just telling myself

it's supposed to get worse, and this shouldn't be this bad.

Monday November 7th, at 10:00am I had another ultrasound

to check on Elia's size. The tech stated that

regardless of what her machine tells her,

that her margin of error is extremely high

and would likely be incorrect

since it has only been 6 days since my last one.

Today, Elia measured in at 8lbs 11oz.

Only 1oz more than last week.

She discussed with me how this

cannot be accurate and that Elia is probably well into the

9lb range.

I left that appointment, called/texted my family and Austin's

like I do each and every time. Waiting for the follow up later

to give anyone more than Austin "real" details.

then it came for my appointment

with my OB Doctor. 1:00pm... waited for 30 minutes before getting in to

start my NST(Non Stress Test).

Went just fine. Lots of contractions and big ones, painful ones. She was

doing just fine though, moving around.
Even though these past 2-3 NST's her movements have

slowed down a lot, she was still punching and kicking me plenty.

Then it came time to wait for him to come in

for my exam.

After waiting more, keeping my blood sugar up, as it was starting to

become extra sensitive to the amount of insulin

i was taking. Also a sign of labor to come.

He came in, all chipper and making extra nice comments,

like how great I look pregnant right now, how my belly

looks wonderful from the side.. and other ones I don't remember anymore.

I was tired from not sleeping and still in pain.

I was still not dilated very much, he was thinking between 1-2 cent.

He then wanted to review my plan.

He asked if I had discussed with my husband what I wanted for my plan.

I explained to him the same thing we've discussed the entire time,

since day 1 and we reviewed last week.

So I told him since I'm full term on Friday

that if she doesn't come before Friday on her own,

that I want to be induced on Friday, her due date.

[ This is when I can honestly say with my whole heart,

this man, who I had known as my honest,

understanding, compassionate OBGYN

changed. ]

In almost a joking, mildly sarcastic way

told me "well, that won't work out for me

as I am going out of town on vacation on Friday

and won't be back until Monday."

I told him that Friday was my due date,

and one of the stipulations when I changed doctors from

the Group to him was that he was supposed to be here on

my due date,

and that I would not have ANY doctors from the Group

deliver her under ANY circumstance.
(he did inform me he had other doctors that he could have as backup
instead of the group, which now i don't even believe)

He pretty much laughed that off, saying, well,

that is what I can do.

Looking at him in a complete loss for words,

as i TRUSTED this man, to not only

help me, take care of my health and my baby

but to be honest with me.

He started telling me that my baby is probably well

into the 9 lb range and would be completely too big for me to

even try and deliver.

I explained to him, like he did so again on this past Thursday,

November 3rd, that yes, Diabetics can have bigger babies,

and when babies to diabetic mom's grow they don't grow like normal babies.

The girth of their weight is in the shoulders and the chest

therefore making it difficult or hard to deliver naturally.

However this weight which would determine to be unsafe was

at 9lb 15oz.

We had no indication that Elia was even that close,

Nor was she 9lbs yet.

He looked me in the eyes and tried many times to

convince me THIS is what is happening to me.

That my unborn daughter is now gaining so much weight

I won't be able to try.

He rudely told me, since I was insisting that I wanted the

opportunity to try, that "i'll just call genesis right now, and see what they have

but you can't be mad at me when you need an

emergency c-section."

I sat there on the table, just SHOCKED out of my mind

that his is seriously him talking to me.

I told him I don't want to have her today, I want her on
Friday, as that is her due date.

He told me that he is on vacation on Friday, he has to leave

very early in the am,

and would be leaving early even on Thursday.

Stunned.

He then went on and on (sorry I don't remember every detail of this part)

about the complications of child birth.

Over and over he told me how I as a mother need to make the decision

I am happy with, and that no matter how this child is in this world

it's here.

If i try naturally, I might not be able to anyways, and

I just when through those strenuous hours pushing or

contracting for nothing. He assured me, this happens

to almost every woman that is wanting to go

"natural" first.

He tried telling me that why put yourself through the pain of childbirth

when you can just have a little incision and it'll heal wonderfully

and then you'll have your baby out, without all the fatigue.

I told him I WANTED the fatigue. I wanted to be

miserable and try to push Elia out myself.

I explained to him again that since this is my first child we don't know what it will be like

what if i only takes a few hours, and

she's here?

He convinced me, he's been doing this a long time

and this is not how it will go.

That I need to TRUST him, that he knows better.

I kept crying and telling him what about my birth plan,

why can't I have what I want.

I told him Friday is the day, if not sooner if she comes on her own.

Regardless of what i tried to say to him,

he wanted nothing of it.

He then told me that I should just have the C-section, have a

baby born after only 45 minutes and that there would be no

worries. He then explained what will happen when I have a C-section.

I got even more upset. I told him this is NOT what I want.

He asked me to go talk to my husband

and maybe he'll think this is a good idea too.

I told him immediately, no.

My husband knows what I want, and he wants whatever

I want. He will not persuade me to make decisions

I am not okay with.

OB Doctor then told me that I have two choices,

1. Try to have her naturally, be induced today, risk not dilating

and going through the labor only to push and while delivering her

I puncture this nerve (not sure what he said, not one I remember)

in her neck that can make her entire arm immobile, or even both.

(I looked at him and told him this is a little

bit of an exaggeration)

He told me this can happen and would if she was too big and I damaged my daughter.

He asked me how i'd feel knowing

I made this selfish decision that in the end hurt my daughter for the rest of her life?

And that would I be able to live every day knowing she has to live damaged her entire life?

I told him I know what it is like

every single day to live your life

with something wrong with you that can't be fixed.

He then told me, I can't compare Diabetes to not being able to use an arm.

That it isn't the same thing.

I told him he has no idea what it is like to have a

non curable disease and this conversation is over.

[Crying almost hysterically by this point, but still level headed to be truthful and

push for what i want told him] I don't think this is helping

me at all. I know what I want for my decision. I said I'd hope before this point there would be

red flags like you already indicated to me that would make this not continue

(such as me not dilating enough and needing a c-section anyway)

and then I told him that is why we'd then need an emergency c-section.

he then came back to me saying, well there is a chance we wouldn't make it.

Since you wanted this, and something went wrong,

she could die before we had the chance to get her out of you.

How would you feel if you killed your child because of a

selfish decision?

I told him I'm done talking about this.

he then went on to say my other options,

Option 2- Have a scheduled C-section on Wednesday.

Arrive there at 5am, get checked in, they'll get you all ready and

wheel you in. You'll get your spinal block and then within minutes you

and your husband will have your baby. And without complications.

He told me this is the safest route for me.

I just looked at him.

He told me, "here,

think about 8 weeks from now.

Can you live with yourself knowing you knowingly

made a decision that caused your child to be immobile or even

that you killed your child?

Could you live with yourself knowing you were so selfish and now have to bury your

newborn baby?

Could you live with yourself?"

Then he said OR,

8 weeks from now, I could be finished healing from my

C-Section, which went perfectly,

and now I have my 8 week old safely in my arms.

I told him he has gone too far, that this is NOT why i am here.

I told him he is not helping, and NO ONE,

wants to EVER hear that they are making any decision

to harm their child. NO ONE.

That I don't appreciate him for talking to me like this,

and that telling me I'm going to kill my child is

a horrible thing to say to someone.

[ sorry I have to stop here, Elia needs to be fed. I'll continue soon..]

Elia Irene....

2011-11-21T10:15:00.000-08:00

Elia Irene Kimler

Born on 11-9-11

at 7:22am

8lbs 4 oz and 19 1/2 inches long

skin time..

Best lactation consultant ever!!! Happy Elia!

After a early morning feeding, stretching out with Mommy

Daddy and Kahuna time!!!

Proud Daddy! Hanging out in her sling!

This is the only way i'll sleep. If she doesn't have one hand out

she cries until that little hand can touch her face.

THANKFULLY they make swaddle blankets for 7lbs!!

And at her first Festival of Trees Parade

enjoying every minute of it!!!

It has been a wonderful 12 days of having her in our lives.

It has certainly been a learning experience for the two of us

but we know this was the perfect decision we could have

ever made.

The first day was the greatest.

Prior to her arrival we had a very rough,

meaning extremely heart breaking experience with my

OBGYN which I will explain in her birth story later,

however, with the want to just have her

in this world, safe, healthy and in our arms

we had her via c-section despite other plans or hopes.

I was able to have low blood pressure and very managable

blood sugars.

Going into surgery, I had a great 103mg/dl and stayed in the 90's following.

Was able to wear my pump the entire time,

had WONDERFUL nurses and my anesthesiologist was one in a million.

We were nervous and anxious to meet her

but once we heard her cry,

our hearts melted.

She is forever ours and we are so

lucky and blessed to have her

in our lives.

No feeling, or experience having her in our arms,

or seeing her in her daddy's arms

can be any better.

I will let you all enjoy these sweet photos before

getting into the details of her birth story.

Thank you all for watching over us, praying for us,

keeping tabs on our progress and

wanting a healthy baby and mom as much as we did!!

In case I don't make it back in a couple days,

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Enjoy those little moments, those that would normally be upsetting,

or those when things go wrong, like a burnt side dish or

dry turkey.

Just remember, there are greater things in life and the little

miracles in life are the greatest blessings.

Enjoy family and friends

as those memories are the ones we

carry in our hearts forever.

-Cassie

Waiting at 38 weeks...

2011-11-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been MIA lately.

This month sure has been busy!

Since our last post, we have been to

A family Wedding,

My niece and nephew turned

6!!!!

(I didn't make their cakes this year :( )

Not going to miss doing that next year. Store bought cakes are

just not the same.

Here we are playing with the kids,

well Emma and the adults made crafts!

Can you tell how detailed our Birthday Cupcake was..

serious concentration.

Then after spending a wonderful weekend with my family

in the Chicagoland area

we then were blessed with a

second baby shower!!

This is a special photo for us, as all of these

ladies haven't been in a photo together

in well, ENTIRELY TOO LONG.

It was a PERFECT day, great weather and

lots of wonderful faces I don't get to see all that often.

I will say, at this stage you REALLY

have to get clever when it comes to clothing!:)

Then the next week we were back to the grind

of cleaning up our house, trying to finish some house projects,

and for me, getting Elia's stuff all moved in, washed,

put away, figured out and

sanitized.

Seriously people, it's so exciting but

super tiring when you have such a big belly to lug around!

hehe

Don't worry, I'm not complaining.

Then we met Mr. 38 Weeks of Pregnancy last Friday.

It has been bittersweet.

I've been struggling super bad with my diabetes, as it

relates to my sensors.

For those of you,

NON DIABETICS!!

A sensor is part of a Continuous Glucose Monitoring

system that reads my blood sugar every minute for a 5 minute average.

This has been stressful when it doesn't work, but

super awesome when it does.

I cannot tell you the number of

lows I wouldn't have felt if I didn't

have a little reminder.

However, since week 37, we've struggled and over a week ago

we did this.

with a desperate attempt to help me this week.

After practically crying to the NICE Medtronic Rep

(Seriously, he was the NICEST one i've talked to.

His name was Patrick. )

We tried the arm site, which is COMPLETELY

new to this girl.

The white part is the transmitter and the sensor which is

inserted into my arm is the purple part.

The plastic tape is just to keep it in place.

Don't you worry, it is TOTALLY necessary,

as on Sunday after 3 attempts for my dear husband to change it for me

that is THREE STICKS

people from a

harpoon of a needle.

I then accidently ripped one completely out while handing out candy and bled.

UGGH. So the 4th is still in today.

And it better stay until after this baby is out.

Oh yeah, that is where we are now.

Wanting this little precious girl OUT OF MY BODY.

We've continued to be monitored and both

she and I are doing well.

She is kicked away, even though her movements

have slowed down,

but she is definitely lower now.

I'm just in this stage that I never thought, Me,

and this disease would have this little girl

baking inside of me for this long.

I'm so grateful that she is doing great and healthy.

By this point, I'm sure it's mostly excitement,

but now my body is super uncomfortable,

having contractions, the pressure

the waddling, the having to use the restroom

at least twice an hour, and if I move around, watch out,

I can't even hold it 10minutes.

We really should have taken stock in

Charmin. lol

But despite how grateful I am that she is

still all cozy and warm,

Momma wants you out little girl.

It is super hard to concentrate on work now,

with the million things my body is going through and

still trying to work

so I get every extra day with her later.

So, hopefully after this post

the next one will be

"She's HERE"

"We did it"

"Meet the World Elia"

"A diabetic really DID have a healthy baby"

lol or

"MOM TOOK ALL MEASURES TO GET BABY OUT"

Which ever it is, she'll be here soon

and we are so thankful, lucky, blessed and excited!

Don't you all worry, we WILL

post birth info and pictures up

but for now..

just keep us in your prayers for a safe,

and healthy Mom and Baby.

And oh yeah, a helpful non working pancreas

to take it easy on me. As these blood sugars are gunna be hard to control!!!

Thanks everyone!:)

-Cassie

Soon...

2011-10-06T10:00:00.000-07:00

Soon... We'll be past 35 weeks

Soon... We'll finish the last touches of her nursery

Soon.. I'll be able to nap!

Soon... I will have time off work to enjoy being with Family

Soon... my feet with stop swelling

Soon... my house will be even more of a mess

than it is now

Soon.. We will have one more visit with family and baby shower

Soon.. We will be packing the bag for the hospital

(you read that right, still haven't gotten there)

Soon... We'll be waiting for real contractions to start

Soon.. We will be heading to the hospital..

Soon.. We will be bringing items from the hospital back for kahuna

Soon.. We'll be delivering our Daughter

Soon.. our family will be a family of 3+ Kahuna

Soon... Austin and I will be parents.

As uncomfortable as I am,

As unslept as I keep becoming,

As exhausted I get from still working too much and

too hard

We are 35 weeks tomorrow.

in two weeks, the

17th of October we have our last little look

and Baby Elia inside me

for our LAST ULTRASOUND!!!!

It's amazing to think that in March we couldn't believe how long

this process and journey would be.

Now, it feels like I'll be a mom tomorrow.

It's amazing how fast life moves,

and we don't even have born children yet.

Regardless of anything else,

I'm so happy to be here right now,

this pregnant

still have Elia growing and living inside of my body

and blessed to have what we have.

Here we are... at just shy of 35 weeks..

Of course us with Kahuna.. the ladies of the house

My front view!!

Another side view in Elia's Room!

<3 Cassie

34 weeks.. Can you Believe it?

2011-09-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

This is us at 33 weeks, at our first baby shower

in Bettendorf!!!

*WARNING: this is a photo/information loaded baby post*

okay you were warned..

Okay first the diabetes/medical stuff:

I had my 33 week ultrasound last friday, and we were able

to see hair,

an adorable Kimler nose and lips,

a belly practicing breathing,

a little girl punching her Mommy,

and that she is weighing in at

5 lbs 0oz!!!

YAY!!!

We cannot be more thrilled,

heck, I cannot be more thrilled,

i've been having bad dreams about her being 6 plus lbs at this stage,

and happy to know she is averaging at an even 5!!!

I never thought i'd make it this far,

have a growing child instead of me

and still be doing so well,

(knocks on all wood in the room)

Not only did she measure up great,

but my non stress test Monday went great,

and today my 8th non stress test was just perfect!

At my appointment, my lovely OB is happy where she is at

growth wise,

I have more than normal amniotic fluid, which after quizzing him,

he just said that it basically means you have diabetes,

which is obvious, and won't affect her or her growth or

delivery.

Speaking of delivery, I have made efforts

to try and stay a little ignorant as to

every detail of what happens,

like this baby having to come out of me, somehow and

made sure he knows, I pretty much

know nothing. lol.

He laughed, told me some information,

we talked about the birth plan, that he said,

to think about, figure out things that are important to me,

and just know that in the moment things change

and what I might have wanted before,

woman often change in the moment.

However we are both clear,

my goal is to have this Type-1

Momma deliver NATURALLY!!!

meaning, unless all fails, or something bad happens,

I do not want a C-Section.

(Don't worry, I understand that it's not the end of the world,

and the safe, health and well being of both myself and my child

are the most important, and I will do whatever it takes,

but i'd like to try for one more thing

a diabetic mommy can do. )

We scheduled my next and LAST

ultrasound on Monday October 17th.

After that, which I will be 36 weeks,

will just be waiting for her

to make her arrival!!!

So her room is getting closer to being finished.

here are some sneak (messy) peeks!!

the embroidery hoops I painted and put together, along

with her name I made. Those are also hand made rosettes with button centers

Ikea shelves, with "stuff" on them.

The ceramic pieces I made including the kahuna dog :)

Top shelf which will eventually have breakables and items we don't need

all the time

Diaper Cake from my baby shower, the little bird

is actually her LED nightlight!!! it's rechargeable too!!

I lined her drawers, one orange and white polka dots, one green with white design

and one that you can't really see, white with bright flowers

Top Ikea shelf. My awesome caddy from Zulily.com and kahuna dog.

Am waiting until her arrival to put photos in the frames!!!

Under her crib, is a rolling drawer that came with the Crib.

We are using it for blankets, sheets, and covers for items.

This is Kahuna trying to find the squeaker in Elia's giraffe..

at least that is what I think!

While taking photos she then went to the top of the stairs

and threw her ball down for me to throw up to her..

such a little girl

And can't help but take another photo of her trying

for attention while taking more nursery photos!!!

Planet Wise Wet bags we bought for our cloth diapers!

Austin's Daddy not a diaper bag- diaper bag.

It's Chicco and this inside is ALSO orange.

<3 <3

So that's her room. Just have some items to hang up still,

finish her orange hooks, and her mobile.

Thanks for hanging around and checking out our

slow but steady progress on our daughters room!

New world in the 3rd Trimester...

2011-09-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

I never fully realized that when people

said the third trimester

was hard, I didn't expect this.

Don't worry, we are still VERY VERY excited

about our little girl,

and kind of freaking out now that she will seriously be

here in less than 2 months,

YIKES...

But her and I have been busy.

As in, a growing factory

and getting everything as ready as we can

for her arrival.

Let me be clear,

I am not one of those mom's

who has everything done at like, 20 weeks or 28 weeks even.

I am at 32, and

we have a crib, bassinet,

shelf and dresser in her room.

That's it.

lol

Oh yeah, and her name on the wall.

Nothing is finished people. NOTHING.

For those curious people,
this is the crib we have for her,

Delta Parker 4 in 1 Convertible Crib

in cherry finish from Target!!!

Then her book shelf

Expedit brand storage from Ikea in the brown color

along with these shelfs from Ikea

in white

EKBY HEMMES is the brand, we have two of them

in the 4.5 foot length

then of course you saw me make these:

Which look like this:

well kinda and

her letters that I decorated:

We also have now her crib skirt and drapes,
which we purchased
from Land of Nod Outlet
and are in this family

We only have the polka dot bedskirt

and the matching polka dot drapes.

I must have this problem with her whole room to be

theme-less

as i felt a lot of them had too many pink

and not enough other fun colors, like

orange, brown, green, or aqua. lol

We are in the process of finishing her room by the

current to do projects:

1. Build trendle under her bed that

came with crib

2. Paint tree on wall

3. Make/Finish/Install bird mobile from tree on wall

4. paint decor/stripes on wall

5. Stencil animals on wall

6. Install/ pick up fan for ceiling

7. Sand and paint small rocking chair

and hooks

Plus stock her nursery with needed items prior to her arrival.

Now on to the medical part:

So two weeks ago, as in

September 2nd
we had the first of many
fetal monitoring sessions
i.e. Non Stress Tests.

These consist of me sitting in a recliner,
with my feet up of course,
putting two straps around my midsection
both having some kinda of sensor/monitor on it.
(sorry for the lack of real terms)
One it on the top of my uterus,
and one is placed, more like moved
to keep her heartbeat steady.
Then I hold a clicker to push when i feel her kick,
or move.

(I really only punch it when my belly moves, when I can see her body parts,
or a big movement that you can hear on the machine, no little flutters.

I do this, for anywhere to 35-1 hour 30minutes depending on
her.

It records graphs on paper the entire time
and when Dr. J feels I have had
a good baseline of readings with enough movements,
I am clear to go!

Fun huh!!!

Yep!

I do this every Monday and Thursday until she comes.
So from today, I have had 4 of them.

Today particularly, she was super active and made for
the shortest time yet.

only 38minutes!!!

My blood sugars numbers are rising, meaning
I am pumping more and more insulin into me every day.
I used to be able to go 2.75 days on 3mL of insulin,
now, I do set changes every other day,
so like this am, I did a site change,
and by tomorrow night I have to change it again.

Medtronic didn't appreciate my increased amount
needed as she kinda of didn't care
I am over 8 months pregnant and need more insulin
than say, 5 months ago.

So as we stay busy we have a busier week.
I have another non stress test Thursday,
With an appointment to follow,
then meet with the diabetes center to review my
progress/liking/disliking of the Medtronic Minimed Insulin Pump,
meet with Endocrinologist to up my basals,
and have a growth ultrasound on Friday.
Woohoo.

Wanna guess her current weight?
I'll let you know, at 28 weeks she was abotu 2lb 15oz!!

Oh and not that this will help,
I gained one full complete pound from
Thursday the 15th to today, the 19th.
haha..
growing baby.

Until next time
Cassie

Invisible Illness Week

2011-09-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day for

Invisible Illness Week.

After reading many in the

DOC (Diabetes Online Community)'s

posts,

I decided to also fill it out.

Here I go!:

1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2007

3. But I had symptoms since: at least 4 weeks prior to diagnosis

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:learning

how my body reacts to blood sugars, which is never the same, and that

I can't enjoy as much fruit at one time as possible anymore :(

(Just know, I CAN eat fruit, and sugar, just not how i enjoyed it before Diabetes)

5. Most people assume: like I mentioned above, when people

assume you can't have or eat that. Or that I can just take a pill, or lose weight, or

work out and no longer have it. NOT TRUE.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: When I wake up too low, not where I want to be,

or too high. Makes for a MISERABLE day.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: I used to enjoy ER when it was on,

otherwise, I try to stay away from medical shows, ESPECIALLY when the information

is not correct.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: "A gadget" means supply closet that I cannot

live with out. Insulin- HELLO?

9. The hardest part about nights are: never really knowing what the night will bring.

Will it bring, 4 juice boxes, 2 packages of fruit snacks and glucose tabs,

or putting on a temporary basal all night and waking up every hour taking blood sugars

to prevent lows.

10. Each day I take a couple vitamins and Insulin but could easily take multiple pills

later when more complications occur...

11. Regarding alternative treatments: Find one, too bad you'll be looking a long time.

Type 1 diabetes, does not have alternative treatments. Only one: Insulin.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:I don't know. It was always somewhat invisible until I got the pump.

Now I get the most ignorant stares and rude people staring at what i'm doing,

or what I have clipped to my pocket..etc.

13. Regarding working and career: Diabetes is always on my mind, regardless of

what I'm doing. I do hate when diabetes interferes when I need to focus on work.

14. People would be surprised to know: That even though I take as great care of myself

as I can, and even if my numbers are all good, Diabetes is so emotionally and mentally

draining that everything I do, is actually much harder than I make it out to seem.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:What complications

are in my future, not knowing how carrying a child would be and if

my diabetes will keep me from enjoying life, or hurting my husband or family.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Become a mom.

I am not yet, but still baking at 32 weeks. Diabetes has made me

push one more week each time. I have to fight for a day,

instead of think about the months or weeks ahead.

17. The commercials about my illness: Are annoying. Even if there are accurate ones,

you never see them, you get the false information or about how someone or something

"cured" them.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Just having a good time,

without thinking of what I have to do, bring with me, or eat/drink before I do this..

19. It was really hard to have to give up: How uncomplicated my medical

life was before.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:I don't know if I have a new one really, right now is growing a baby.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I don't even know.

Normal meaning illness free- I would probably fly back to Italy and eat my heart out, and fly

without any baggage.

22. My illness has taught me:I can do what I put my mind to, to understand how hard

life can be, and having an illness shouldn't stop you from living, you just have to do it differently.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "can she eat that?" "Oh no, she can't have that" or "if it's not sugar free can you have it?"

24. But I love it when people: ASK. ASK. ASK. I don't mind explaining ANYTHING diabetes related, just don't assume I can or can't without asking.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:

I don't know if it gets me through tough time, but Patience is a virtue, and

treat others the way you want to be treated.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: You can do this, It's hard, frustrating,

and over whelming but I PROMISE it becomes easier. Also, you will find

your own way of what works and what works with your body.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:how much

of your time is consumed with diabetes.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Seeing

as though I am currently pregnant and diabetic, my husband has been such a

blessing. From helping get supplies, to helping around the house,

or making sure he gets drinks or sugar when needed

or to prepare for one.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: It is important for me

to share with others who don't have diabetes some more aspects of what

life is like. How if you can prevent this, DO IT.

But to show that no matter what diagnosis I may have,

nothing is impossible.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: That you care too about

what my life is like, and those that have Diabetes or an invisible illness.

Birthday's........

2011-09-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day for me.

Today marks the last of those

"yay, it's my birthday, all about me"

(not that I REALLY think or say that)

but

after this birthday,

every other birthday will be spent

knowing my family is well,

a family.

After today,

(meaning this birthday, not that she is due today)

will be our day.

Today I am 26 and

it's the day of my birth.

Actually,

I was born already,

on that day,

Friday the 13th, 1985

at 3:13am.

I've been thinking lately about

our next thanksgiving,

and CHRISTMAS!!

Ugghh.. Holiday's as crazy as they can be,

as a family.

With a little girl, and her toys,

and then bigger toys,

and barbies (oh heaven..)

But I'm happy to say, that I

was woken up before my alarm today,

something in the 4th hour

by a very powerful kick

that moved me.

This one, not just my stomach,

like my whole body.

I think Elia said

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

hehe:)

So Cheer to you all, for

praying for us to make it here,

for listening, and caring for us,

for reading our life,

as sad as my updating skills are,

and for keeping tabs on us

with this new experience of

growing our daughter.

(haha sorry that sounds like I'm growing a plant or something!)

Well,

Happy Birthday to Me,

and

the fact that I still have this

little girl, kicking and punching away.

Baby Elia- Kick all day for Mommy!

I enjoy seeing my tummy move,

and my organs/ribs hurt.

I'll see you at your birthday,

the next one in our little family,

(not including Papi, or

Emma and Landen)

but we'll wait,

patiently!!!

Happy Birthday, to the last of it's kind!!!

<3C

Little Elia Girl!

On our Anniversary 3-14-2011

At 20 weeks...

I think 28 or 29weeks!

And tonight, I'll post my 31 week 5 day photo..

our birthday photo.. me and our little girl!!!

Things I have learned....Pregnancy!!!

2011-09-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

Recently, when more changes keep happening to me,

or when I notice something is getting more

difficult than it was before

I keep thinking,

How come no one has told me these things before?

Am I the only one?

Also, the small things I am learning just about every day things,

it seems either no one speaks about them

because they are small,

and NO BOOKS told me.

Some are probably only Me- related, but

in case you are currently/trying/want to be/have experienced pregnancy

and want to add, please read this list, and add if you'd like.

The things No one Told me..

1. What those "flutters" really feel like.

2. How your feel and ankles can swell EARLY,

i'm talking like 14 weeks early.

3. and when you are swelling, it feels like your legs and feet are the casing on

sausage.

4. Maybe people don't want to freak you out, but

it is the most uncomfortable

feeling when you try to walk.

5. I call my milk jug feet, because seriously,

you can't walk without discomfort or bending your ankles. Forget it.

6. Standing for long periods of time, the farther you get

is almost like a work out,

as you have to keep shifting the weight from leg to leg

and you don't want to be rude, but you just need to sit down.

7. Being out of breath is an understatement.

8. I'm the kind of woman that can multi-task like no other

and be running around the house, up and down

floors quickly, carrying who knows what

but I think it was around

9. 24 weeks were I started getting tired bringing the laundry basket,

that's just 1 single basket people,

up or down

1 SINGLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

I'm like, man, this is ridiculous.

10. Now, at 30 weeks, shut the front door,

it's like I literally chased an animal around my house

up and down the stairs

bending down/getting up

and then ran a mile in this 90 degree weather.

All without water or a breath.

11. STUPID LUNG CAPACITY.

12. And I have only gained about 13 or so pounds,

give or take with swelling,

so I cannot IMAGINE gaining like 20-40

or having multiples.

13. You woman are SAINTS.

14. Feeling your breasts grow/stretch is not comfortable.

15. Sometimes, out of no where, of course when you're talking to people

or driving, or in church, or at a work meeting,

you get this

incredibly sharp slight pain in random spots,

maybe around your areola/nipple (sorry TMI)

and I compare it to my breast reduction when my nerve endings were reconnecting.

16. NOT ENJOYABLE, oh and that feeling, doesn't really

stop.

17. wonder what it will be like when milk comes in. AWSOME.

18. Bending starts with getting stuck half way,

then progresses to feeling pressure in other places when you try to bend,

to almost not happening,

to ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

Did I really just drop ANOTHER grape on the

floor.

(then you hear your lovely dog, or my kahuna

SPRINTING to beat you to it and enjoying every lick of it)

19. Now that bending is uncomfortable, trying bending over

and realizing you need to pee.

Perfect.

20. then comes at night time, or during the night, or

in the am when it's time to get up,

and you have that "full" feeling you need to pee,

then bend to turn over to your other side,

since you're not supposed to lay/sleep on your back

(and ladies, YES, it can be dangerous, and i've heard some are seriously

uncomfortable doing so, but I feel that is one of the few times

I can actually breath and feel NO pressure.

21. So flipping over from one side to the other,

while in the middle lifting your body from the bed to move and then

having to wrangle your pump and the tubing

to make sure you have them close by one another

EXHAUSTING.

22. then you realize you're stupid for evening trying to

flip, now you have to walk down the stairs,

in the dark , bending down half way like you'r back is broken

to make it to the bathroom,

to just barely make it.

23. When you pee too, it's not like water works,

it can be like 2oz but feels like a GALLON.

24. then you turn your pump light on,

and carefully walk back up the stairs at full

stance, when you're dog follows you and you only

hear her when she is passing you up

and you have to brace yourself against the wall before moving

or you'll fall.

25. Anyone else notice how painful your one ear gets when you fall

asleep for a period of time, and don't have to pee, yet you

still have to move because your darn ear is sore from laying on it.

26. And then of course, while you peacefully go back to bed,

and gets kicked up near the diaphragm so you are now

currently out of breathing air,

and your husband flips over and wakes up not even awake,

and is like,"what's wrong"

oh nothing, just got the wind kicked out of me.,

Go back to bed.

27. Then there is when you go to get ready, and that underwear

no longer is comfortable,

but yesterday that type was.

28. or than tank top was long enough

and today

29. that same brand, that you bought at the same time

in the other color is now not long enough

to cover that blue belly panel from your pants.

30. THANK GOODNESS FOR THE INVENTION OF
PANELS!!!

31. Also, when you realize your breasts are now

completely not fitting in two of the three

bras you actually enjoy wearing

and have until this point refused to buy any new or bigger ones

32. and you think to yourself, I'm pregnant,

am I allowed to "adjust", they must expect it right?

33. Just picture a too small but comfortable bra, with a light up

blue insulin pump/pager size disco ball

in between them. What a sight huh!!

34. Back to the bending- Actually shaving your legs.

hilarious at this point.

Sorry hubs- deal with it, or shave them yourself.

lol.

35. how about when you are exhausted from going

up and down those said stairs doing

that said amount of laundry,

you get relief of comfort

sitting down with your feet up and your head back,

then your freaking insulin pump alerts you

like a punk

"low predicted"

"High predicted"

"meter BG NOW"

"Cal Error"

Pump, thank you for making me and my baby safer by insulin

delivery at the drop of a hat,

but SHUT UP.

SERIOUSLY.

I could throw you.

36. And for those of you with working

pancreas' or are not pump users,

those alerts, you must clear/or take a blood sugar.

37. then you realize you are in the chair

where you're purse is in the other room or over at the other end,

with your meter in it,

then your other one is upstairs

and you realize you are out of strips for the one in your purse

and now have to go see if the box on the vanity has one more tube.

38. Only to find out you now have to get up, check that one,

go to the box, then other room to open another box,

and test, to find out your low, and need to treat

ASAP because you are in the

50's with an arrow or double error down.

38. Oh diabetes.

39. there are probably a lot more, but I think this is good for now.

40. Just to leave it on a even note, during writing this, which only took me

eh, maybe 15 or 16 minutes, I have

had to :

take a blood sugar

see what kahuna was barking at,

answer the phone in the other room,

go pee,

feel at least a good 5 strong kicks from

Elia baby,

clear two low predicts

and chug two chugs of pineapple orange juice from the fridge.

Now I am as exhausted as if I got the laundry from downstairs

and brought it up.

huffing and puffing.

Oh pregnancy with diabetes, you make EVERYTHING a challenge.

Now to go make lunch.

Lovely!

Did I scare you? did you experience any of these?

What else did you deal with that maybe I haven't/or forgot?

Hopefully after today,

i'll post about my 30 week

photo, and fetal echo i had this week

plus baby projects we are doing.

Thanks for reading!!!

-C and E

Another baby project..

2011-08-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

If you are friends with me on Facebook

you commented like CRAZY

on my photo about these:

I read/saw somewhere a cute easy

DIY decor item for a baby's nursery

that could really be used

anywhere in your home.

First, while I was at Hobby Lobby

I checked out their fabrics,

most of which were 30% off already!

SCORE!!

I then only needed the looms/hoops

whatever you'd like to call them,

which the small and medium sized ones were

$.79 cents, you got that right, and the big ones

were $1.19.

This total project cost: $11.54 with the fabrics.

I mostly got 1/4 yard or a 1/2 yard where needed.

Then I put them in the loom/hoop's

where they are still right now. I realized after putting them together and

so many people asking me what I was doing with them,

I started looking for my inspiration..

well until now,I couldn't find it.

Long and behold, It was from a

nursery crash from YoungHouseLove.com

found here through babycemter.com
DomesticAdventure.com

or looks like this:

taken from domesticadventure.com

HOW CUTE IS THAT!!!
I too have a Target clock in aqua to put in her room
for the sweet price of
...$3.. you got that right!!

$3!!

She spray painted them black to look more like frames.
I definitely don't like the wood color,
but I don't want black though.
Maybe I can use the wine color spray paint I have,
to add a little something?
Not sure yet, but the project is
3/4 the way finished.

How did you decorate your child's room/ Nursery?
Or
what have you seen that you'd like to put in your child's nursery one day?

All I know is I like putting little things together
to help make her room complete,
and I like doing it as cheap/affordable as possible!!
thanks for sticking around!!

It won't be long though, I'm posting about our
Ultrasound yesterday soon so stay tuned!!
-CK-

100 posts and Belly

2011-08-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

I just saw on my blogger

that it says

I have now posted

100

times!!

Crazy..

maybe crazy good, or

crazy sad.

Either way, YAY

I'm sure i'll get much more when

I blog more often and fill you all in more

plus when Elia is here.

So we have been busy around here.

Not that I have tons of photos yet but I promise I will.

Austin was able to FINALLY

finish building the closest upstairs and minus doors we can

now use it!

YAY!!

So thankful for the Kimler Men

who have helped build it!!

Thank you!!

And I have been busy getting some

Elia stuff done.

Mostly organizing and decorating

but working away.

I have been blessed with many

clothes and baby stuff

given from friends

and for that, this is

wonderful.
Elia is one lucky lady!!!

Speaking of Elia,

Here I am with her, at 27 weeks!!

Hard to believe but really,

time does fly!!

Starting her room...

2011-08-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how many times

i've heard,

"Are you ready for her yet?"

"Is her room all finished being decorated"

HAHA Heck no..

Not even close.

Her walls are painted,

well almost finished painted.

We have the base color finished,

which is Olympic No VOC color matched from Valspar Signature

Baking Stone

looks like this

That's the door to our room!!

And besides that we have her dresser- which the room is a mess

so you can see that later,

plus we have to get new pulls and

I am working on lining

all the drawers with fun paper which i'll show you later too.

The first real thing I have done,

thus far is these letters.

I purchased these cardboard type letters

months ago from

Jo Ann, I think they were $.99 a letter

Here are my supplies:

E,L,I,A letters from Joann's- $.99 a piece

Matte Modge Podge- $3.99 at Michaels

4 pieces of scrapbook paper- $.59 on sale each

Scissors

pencil

I used two sponge brushes, you only need one, I was just messy.

So what i did first, was pick out what order I wanted the paper in

then traced the letters on the back of the paper.

Just make sure you get all the front and sides not the back.

For the A, I also did not do the center part of the A,

you can't really see it

and i'm sure it wouldn't have been pretty.

I did this for each letter.

Then carefully I put each side on,

by putting the Modge Podge on first

then the paper.

I made sure the straightest edge was facing the center.

Sometimes i did the top first and sometimes i didn't. I did notice the onese

I did on top first looks better.

I then coated the entire front of the letters with the

modge podge and let them dry on newspaper.

NOTE*- I also used glue to bend the edges to make it look more rounded

from the excess paper.

Remember, it's going on a wall, so people aren't going to really see every

single brown line that you can just barely see when you hold it

5 inches from your face!!

My finished project looked like this:

I think it turned out great!! I'm very happy and can't wait

to get it on her wall! I think these are going either above her crib or above her dresser on the wall!!!

You could do this for anything, like putting them

in the kitchen, with a framed art wall,

or in places like the bathroom or laundry room.

The modge podge seals the paper and makes it water proof.

Would i dunk them in water, NO

but if they get sprayed on, moisture on them,

what have you,

if you put a coat on everything you should be just fine!!

Hope you enjoyed my little tutorial!!

-Cassie

Feeling relief...

2011-08-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

I had my routine 2 week endo appointment

and things are going well.

So far a little spike in my required insulin needs,

but nothing my trusty pump can't handle.

luckily!

My A1C is heading where my lovely endo wants.

Last time it was 5.2

and she was happy with it, but didn't like how many lows

I was still having.

It is now at 5.3 she was happy with it,

I on the other hand wish I felt

like I am seeing consistent numbers to defend why I am still this low.

I guess I am just too hard on myself,

but whatever i can actually control with insulin

I don't care about the number,

I just want her a healthy weight and

healthy.

After than appointment, I then saw my

new OB, who I REALLY

like.

He's helpful, comforting,

educated and

is overall very calming.

The one thing I feel like I've lacked in my doctors, other than my

Endo,

is that they really seem to forget,

I'm a person, too,

with feelings, with emotions, with worries

with serious concerns

and that actually take the time to listen to them,

give advice, helpful advice

and understand that this is the first time I've had a child,

and obviously need professional help from them.

This new OB is answering all my questions,

Like my need to find a great pediatrician

so we can ask them about

going gluten free for Elia,

and anything I can do to help possibly

ward off

Type 1 if we can.

to how my test results came back and what we are going

to do about my liver and what is happening with it now.

For those of you who don't know,

or care,

we don't know exactly when or why,

but last summer my doctors found that

I have a enlarged Liver, and also having

big numbers for my

liver enzymes AST and ALT.

They would presume it is NAFLD,

which is Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease,

possibly caused by Cholesterol.

So after knowing this might take years to fix,

(we tried fixing this however my liver enzymes continued to rise

very much and had really abdomen pain)

So to fast forward,

in my doctor appointment with my wonderful

OB,

he told me he got my results back

and it came back

I have

NORMAL

LIVER
ENZYMES!!!

Some how, my child bearing ways,

or PURE LUCK

I now have low AST and ALT enzymes

within the normal ranges.

I couldn't believe it.

I have heard this over and over again

all the complications

liver disease and have

especially when pregnant too.

Well, I'm happy to say, I am down one

bad scary diagnosis

and only have

the D- MAN

to now cure.

which.... I'm just happy I have nothing else on my plate.

So YAY for no more liver concerns, or problems.

I still don't understand how I'm cured but I hope

it stays around for a

LONNGGG Time.!!!

Growing little girl...

2011-08-01T10:04:00.000-07:00

a few months ago,

I think May was when I took this photo

of me and little E.

And I thought I was big then.

Totally Laughable!!!

Now, things like this are happening..

On most days, the only place my

engagement ring can fit on.

My wedding band is not even close to fitting anywhere,

maybe my pinky toe.. lol

and now we are still doing things like this..

fighting off weird feelings of dizziness and

low blood pressure

along with a out of no where low blood sugar

(Oh yeah, this belly is mid 24 weeks)

and at 23 weeks we were at a friend's Wedding

and this is what we looked like,

Me and Little E

Growing Girl Growing... It's amazing how much bigger I feel these days.

and here is a helpful comparison from earlier in pregnancy

to last week

I think this was somewhere between 15-16w This is at 24 weeks.

Mega Mommy.

Also, we have been busy with doctor appointments to check up

on little E, her heart, her growth,

my diabetes and insulin resistance starting...

On July 20th- I saw the Pediatric Center from U of I

( They have clinics here in Davenport so I don't have to travel to Iowa City)

and had my first of a couple

Fetal Echocardiogram.

Basically, I laid uncomfortably on my back,

for about an hour,

where a great doctor checked her out,

looked at all the chambers, ventricles and

arteries around and in her heart.

The big concern for IDDM mothers,

(Insulin Dependent Diabetes)

is Congenital Heart Disease and Heart Defects.

So far she is looking great, checking out good.

I have a follow up as it was a little

fuzzy on some parts for her

as E was turned facing my spine,

all while punching my tailbone area,

(Thanks baby girl..)

But so far so good.

July 25th- I had my second Level 2 Ultrasound

(just to note, i'm obviously sitting down and STILL seeing stars.. darn low BP)

anyways, this is from U of I again

but at the hospital we will deliver at.

The doctor, you can say was more than opinionated

and trying to educate me regarding

high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, the complications and these two

as well as Liver problems prior to conception, and the problems now for me.

I was over stimulated, crowded and uncomfortable.

She kept giving unwanted information

about things such as uncontrolled type 2 diabetes,

and elevated BP.

As anyone knows already, I have type 1.

Not that any type of diabetes is good,

please don't get me wrong,

but we have different ways of treating and sometimes managing

what happens to us.

No diabetes is good or fun to have.

I promise you that. We as diabetics work very hard

every day to make sure we can live complication free.

Anyways, after listening to her going on and on about this,

and getting seriously frustrated,

I think i tried telling her I have type 1 and a pump,

and low BP not high.

Nothing changed.

After telling me I am giving my child diabetes

and how much my life would be better and more comfortable bending down

( i kid you not)

my wonderful husband touched my hand and asked me what my current

A1C was.

I responded 5.2.

She shut up.

Everything after that was "perfect," "beautiful," "normal,"

and "great."

THANK YOU WONDERFUL HUSBAND for

speaking for me.

Elia is now as of last week 1.6lbs, in the 13th percentile for weight.

I asked what is the range and she said

10- 90%. She said something about

the 20th percentile is where they would maybe worry she is too big for right now

in development

but she's small and

doing just fine as her little self.

What great news!

Controlled Diabetes, beautiful growing baby,

what more can a girl ask for?

I can tell you what i'm not asking for,

being this uncomfortable already!

So I have now decided baby books

tell you nothing about the "REAL" things about pregnancy,

and movements.

Here's my little list:

1. Baby LOVES ice cream, cold things, and buffalo type meat sauces.

KICKS LIKE CRAZY.

2. She enjoys pushing something near my rib cages and

dive bombing my pelvis area, which creates the MOST

uncomfortable feeling and pain ever.

3. I have now finally started to gain a couple more pounds with each visit,

up to about 10ish now,

however my Endo feels most of it is probably the swelling

water weight.

4. She likes to go "swimming"

inside of me, almost like watching

a fish peacefully swim in a fish tank,

however I feel it inside of me. It's fun to concentrate on, as it's soothing.

5. Don't get too excited, she then follows up with a HUGE punch or Kick at something sensitive.

5. She responds to my voice when I say things like

"Elia, this is hurting mommy,"

"Baby, this hurts mommy, so please stop it."

to even,

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW"

lol.

Typically she punches or kicks me one more time and then it slows down.

6. The most recent, as in the past 4-5 days,

she does something that hits or pinches my lungs/diagphram

so quickly that

the air in my lungs is sucked out

and it looks like I am choking.

However, it is not so.

It feels like after they pull the tube down your throat after sugery

and you gasp for air,

with a dry throat and all,

is what happens.

Yes, dramatic, but wipes you straight out.

It mostly happens when i drink/eat something or

when I am peacefully relaxing, in all the time i get. lol

So we see the OBGYN on Thursday for my 2nd checkup

and see how things continue to go.

The past few days, I have also noticed my postprandial blood sugars

(after meals)

aren't dropping as fast after 2 hours where they normally would, instead regardless of

what i eat, they go up.

NOT FUN.

I'm having to take extra insulin to cover this

so I'm pretty much increasing my basal with temps at about 4pm or so.

So hopefully this ends, I like seeing 80s and 90's steady!!!

So far, growing growing.

Next post will hopefully be about decorating her nursery and ideas!!!

Stay Tuned!

June 30th to currently.....

2011-07-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has taken so long since i've posted,

been a little...

swollen/tired/busy/overworked/hot

but here is my update from my

June 20th's doctor appointments.

First, I saw my favorite Endo for an update.

She was gone for 2.5 weeks so I didn't see her

like my usual 2 week appointments,

but when she returned we chatted about her trip

(one of her daughters got married, it was fun)

BTW- I think this is one thing that I SUPER love about my endo,

she tells stories and is very personable,

but when it comes to diabetes and health

she's a warrior chief I kid you not.

She is tough on it, and works it like no doctor I've had.

Okay, maybe Mr. Awesome my first endo after being diagnosed.

Anywho, so we met, and while she was gone I

had horrible horrible lows.

30's 40's and 50's that showed

ABSOLUTELY

NO
SYMPTOMS

AT ALL..

I was totally beaten by diabetes and still kind of am.

I'm so happy Elia is enjoying eating and growing

but I didn't realize how much babies suck out of you.

I know from reading Kerri's blog

http://sixuntilme.com/

if you haven't read her blog, you MUST.

Anyways, didn't realize i'd be in 23 weeks and still

battling lows in the 30's and 40's with no signs.

It pretty much sucks when you finish your glucose tabs,

all your snacks, your juices and your Altoids in your car

trying to raise ONE blood sugar before you should really drive.

I mean, come'n I was only 41mg/dL and still driving

but felt fine.

Sometimes when that happens

I feel fine, but when I think about it,

I always think about that one person

who always thinks their okay to drive home,

say super tired, overworked,

or after having a couple drinks

(hopefully of Skinny Girl!!!)

I feel terrible.

That's probably what it's like,

if i felt anything.

Anyone else feel bad after driving with a low?

Maybe it's just me!

So while at my Endo visit my

BP was 80/40 which is super low, and I had

just been running around.

I was concerns for the diastolic being so low, that's the bottom number.

I asked, and she took it a couple more times,

me sitting, standing, laying down

and it went up a little,

90/52 but still.

Don't get me WRONG, I'm super happy to

still have great BP's but

that low after running around explains me feeling

dizzy, lightheaded and

seeing starts. No joke, it's not something you just see in

the movies or cartoons.

It's a real thing.

Almost like what you see there are little

spots that are blurry and they fly around the air

and confuse you.

NOT FUN.

Yes this has also happened while driving.

I pulled over this time.

BUT the best part of this appointment was the

surprise it's time to check your A1C.

We found out I an recheck them often

as long as it's been 31 days or more.

So today it was..

well I was hoping for

a 5.9-6.3 as I was

5.5 last time and felt I had a couple more highs

that I didn't always catch in enough times..

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

I now have the lowest A1C in my

Diabetes history...

ladies and gentlemen...

mostly Ladies i think...

5.2

I know right. NUTS.

But apparently being 5.5 is okay,

but being this far along and at 5.2 is NOT.

lol

After changing some basal rates I was off to then go see a new

potential OBGYN, Mr. J.

He was referred to me by two of my

husband's cousins

and felt it was time to try, as I was not happy with t

the place I was attending.

Let me just say,

for the first real time, I had the nurses, the reception staff

and the doctor all on the same page,

working together, talking together,

writing down correct notes

as they would read it to me,

and Mr. J answered every single question I could think of or

imagine.

The only biggest change was that

he was allowing me to try to do a

natural birth under a couple circumstances.

1. That she is not over 9.5lbs.

Once she hits that mark, if she does,

then her shoulders and chest could be too big to deliver.

He explained that diabetic mom's

when their baby is gaining weight and having to make more insulin

to cover their high bs's that the bulk

of weight and girth is in the chest/shoulders.

I had never heard this, so good to know.

2. My BP and Eyes still stay manageable

I am currently keeping

a steady lower BP

at around 120's over 60's if not lower.

Mostly 110-116/ 50-60's

with a few lower exceptions.

I also have nothing going on behind my eyes,

such as any retinopathy, so bleeding or spots

of inflammation.

3. If nothing else comes up with her or me

medically wise that would cause

anything emergency.

This alone made me feel so much better.

After meeting with him for over an hour and talking

I felt better for me and
Elia to have him bring her into the world.

So decisions alone were made and I'm still happy!

The other thing we discussed what tests are next.

Like I mentioned earlier from meeting with the nice Doctor

from Iowa City Hospital

is that I will have a fetal echo-cardiogram

performed, holy cow next wednesday already.

They want to look at her heart, make sure everything looks

and performs how they should.

I will have another level 2 ultrasound the following

Monday here in Davenport with them too.

Then once I reach 28-30 weeks, depending on how we are

doing, i'll have weekly ultrasounds and fetal echo's including

some non stress tests as well.

AWESOME.

Today we are 23 weeks pregnant with little
Elia Irene.

I'm trying to manage these super marshmellow like

swollen feet and ankles (wait what ankles)

and my calves.

It feels like my skin turns to a sausage casing that is being stretched.

Not fun at all.

This weekend we are off to a Wedding

for a very special dear friend from College

and then a fun week with the Echo on Wednesday.

I'll try to update before then, and hopefully with a

Photo...:)

Take care everyone, Have a safe and happy weekend.

Stay cool.

It's supposed to get in the high 90's to triple digits this weekend.

at least here in Iowa..

HOT HOT HOT.

<3 Cassie and Elia!!!

(as she has been kicking away while I

write this)

June 27, 2011....

2011-07-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

I can't imagine our life

right now

any different.

Mostly, between my husband and I.

My growing baby and I

and most of all,

My diabetes and I.

This is me on June 27, 2011

June 27, 2011 creeped up

fast.

This was the day we had our first

of two

level 2 ultrasounds.

If you are unfamiliar with this

type

it is where they look at, measure and

inspect the whole baby from

head to toes.

Austin went with me to this appointment,

where the University of Iowa( from Iowa City)

come to a local hospital and perform these ultrasounds.

We got there practically running to find the right elevator

and sat in that small little area with the sign saying:

University of Iowa Outreach Clinic.

It was coming. The day to find out

who you are, and how you are developing.

This is where I have been keeping myself mentally busy

thinking about all the what if's and the "did i do this."

I have heard of many PWD who have delivered healthy babies,

and for them I am so beyond happy, I just want to be one of them.

Knowing anything can happen.

Well, they called my name,

we walked in,

got on that oh familiar table where I was greeted by

the most comforting and helpful

sonogrammer and doctor I have

met in this process.

They explained everything to us, what they were going to do,

what they were looking for and

why they look for this.

Started at the little head, to the heart,

to the bones in the arms, spinal cord,

to the abdomen and stomach,

to the legs, measuring,

the hands and the feet, counting toes and fingers

and then at the end, after hearing,

"perfect" "normal" "great" and

"just right"

we were then asked if we wanted to know..

we said yes.

This is what we saw..

the little face, and arms and belly

then

just chilling like a little bat inside mommy...

and one like this..

how perfect is right.

After the sonogramer pushed on my belly

to move the baby

and trying to find what was behind

seeing if you were an L or and E

Austin started telling baby to move so we can see what you are

we want to know baby,

it was so cute how excited he was to find out..

then she took a still image..

and she told us..

You see here,

this is where we can see that you are having

baby..

GIRL!!!

We held hands, so happy to hear all the good news

of how great she is developing and growing

and now knowing that you

little baby inside of me,

growing,

is a little girl.

Elia Irene Kimler will be your name.

We are so excited to meet you when it's time

and to know you are doing all that you can to be

a growing little bean!!!

We left with this doctor, who is awesome by the way

what was expected for the rest of the pregnancy.

I will have another level 2 at 24 weeks

to determine how she is growing and developing

and then at the same time

having a fetal echo performed

also by a doctor from Iowa City

then starting at 28-30 weeks we will have

routine echo's and non stress tests to

continue to keep an eye on her.

I will also have one ultrasound each month

until the 30's come and will have one each week.

This doctor said he will be letting my

doctors know the orders.

One we left, we went back home quickly to

let Kdog out, and have lunch before being able to tell

our families...

We shared with both of our families in different ways.

I had the neighbor to my parents

bake a cake that was pink inside and bring it over to their house when

it was time,

and i made cookies to bring to my inlaws to tell them over dinner.

My parents found out first and then

we were with Austin's parents, and my grandmother

at dinner,

and when it was time for dessert we all grabbed a couple

cake cookies

and i wrote on them things like, baby boy, little girl, boy or girl

and lots of baby like things on them.

Betty, my grandma had the little girl one, and as we were all

eating, I asked what her's read

she said little girl

and I announced that is exactly what we have,

a little girl!!

They were excited and Happy to find out how healthy she is.

My mother I knew once she knew what it was would

shove her hand right in the cake, and I promise

I do know my mother.

She figured out what it was and stuck her finger in it

to see a pink cake.

I called My older sister later and had her and my niece

on speaker phone

asked my niece what she though it was,

she said "a baby girl" and

I told her she's right!!

They were so happy and

my Niece high fived my sister (I could hear)

that she knew all along it was a girl

My niece and nephew are twins and are 5.

We are so happy to know,

and just elated to know so far so good with this pregnancy.

My little sister and her husband drove over this weekend

to help us on the first of many parts to prepare

our little Elia's room.

They painted it a matched Valspar Signature color Baking Stone

for the room and one of the walls

will be either strips of a few chosen colors or

a stencil.

We have yet to decide just picked out colors so far.

Things are going well, and we are very excited to

hear so far so good!!!:)

I did see my endocrinologist on Thursday and that post to come:

Stay tuned!!

-Cassie and Elia!!!

how life quickly changes.....

2011-07-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

in the most beautiful ways...

I have started this post a couple times

and still have yet to finish it

on the computer which has the photos.

But I am letting you know, we have

LOTS of new baby news,

house news,

and

growth news.

I am finding out much about our

little growing being

and

how we as a health care team

are going to be able

to keep this little

person and myself

as safe and healthy as can be.

If it helps, I had two days full of doctor appointment,

seeing three different doctors..

LONG week..

So please, stay tuned!!!

Importance...

2011-06-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

I know I already wrote about it,

but the past few days, I have been doing a lot of thinking.

I guess this is good,

but I've really been thinking about

us,

how far we have come as a couple

and now how we are making such

big changes in our life

and yes they can be scary

but rewarding as well.

Seeing a friend of mine in the hospital

after delivering her beautiful

little man

and holding him

really makes me realize how lucky we are

to be healthy enough to have babies

and to try our best to carry these

little guys and girls in our arms

and our bodies.

There are so many things we as mothers,

and fathers to be that we don't realize.

Maybe this is a normal step for

a mother to be but

getting here just makes me think

of all the things that are coming,

the months to come,

the people in our lives,

the people that will

welcome this little person

in their life.

I'm not saying this is an easy process,

this is the hardest I can say

I have ever worked at anything.

Working with people, and people

with a mental illness or

retail
PIECE OF CAKE

compared to this.

But hopefully I am lucky enough

to hold this little baby

and enjoy this life with my husband

and our dog!!!

I've continued reading this book

that we picked up when we first found out

back in March

and it keeps me thinking about things

that i didn't think about,

or the different types of births.

Anyone else know the difference between

Lamaze, Bradley

Hypnobirthing,

LeBoyer

method's?

Have any of you used either of these

and can give some pointers

on why this worked for you?

Other than that, i'm sure I

will not be sleeping tonight

anticipating how tomorrow will go.

Hopefully Austin won't be late..

he's ALWAYS running late!!!

-Until Tomorrow-

Countdown to....you.

2011-06-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

This is what is going on right now..

what are you baby?

Things have been going well so far.

Which I would say is a blessing,

because each week I make it farther,

to me, means another great week of baby growing.

I've been definitely working more than I probably should be.

I've pretty much came home

every day these past 2 weeks

completely exhausted.

I'm trying to get stuff done around the house,

even attempting to stay on top of laundry (HA)

but the feeling in my gut, has been the

anticipation of the big date(s)

for this..

We have decided, well, pretty much in the beginning

that we want to know what we are having.

I know some people can handle the wait,

I however,

am no where close to patient

and would like to prepare with gender like

items.

I had another OBGYN appointment this past

Thursday(6/23/11)

with another Doctor.

This one however has a history.

Both my husband and his sister were delivered by this man,

who my mother in law

has less than great

reviews from.

Hearing her story made it more clear to me,

that I really want to make sure I am making the right decision

as this is something I will remember forever.

For me, I really want to know

that in case of any emergency,

I need to have someone there that really

understands diabetes, and what all can happen

when things go wrong with those complications.

I'm not worrying about that now,

I just need to feel comfortable that this

single person,

is confident in saving my life and our babies' life.

This Thursday though, I met the other male in the group

that despite my mother in law's experience,

maybe with the 25 years under his belt he is

better with beside manner.

I actually appreciated him and his education.

He praised me for my diabetes work so far

and really took the time to

listen to me and give me feedback.

That I can appreciate.

But after meeting with him, he decided that since I was having a level 2

ultrasound on Monday, June 27

that they would give me better information and if I can't find out what it is,

that I can call anytime to have another one done.

I thanked him for his time and for listening to me.

Let's back up a minute.

The day before this appointment I called the office to make sure

I was not having an ultrasound so that Austin could be there if

we were finding out.

Let's just say this nurse was a little too ballsy..

why you ask?

Well she told me I wasn't sick enough with Type 1 to even have had ultrasounds,

that they wouldn't be able to do a screening, as I would take too long

and she's not about to schedule one for me,

also that because of the waivering timeline of when they think i'm due

because of the size,

that I'm not where I say I am am and she's the one that's right.

Not to mention, that while doing this,

I had to explain over and over

why I was calling, that she didn't need to be rude,

and that everyone is wrong

or tells me different things.

I then told her I was getting off the phone and no longer talking.

After that appointment, but I then called

Dr. J's office to schedule

a consultation with him.

At least to see what he is about, and how I feel about him.

He's been referred to me by more than 1 mother

and it is worth a try to find someone I feel comfortable with.

I also got a call from nurses from Iowa City who are

performing my Level 2 Ultrasound

on Monday.

She was a blessing.

How sweet to hear someone treating me

nicely, and with respect.

She explained everything to me,

what would be happening

and what I could expect.

She also talked to me about a blood test known at

Quad Screen.

This blood test checks the hcg levels to determine if further

testing is needed to see if there is a chance

our child has problems which would also determine

how I will be delivering our child.

Here is the information I found from the American Pregnency Organization

The quad screen measures high and low levels of AFP,   abnormal levels of hCG and estriol, and high levels of Inhibin-A. The  results  are combined with the mother's age and ethnicity in order to  assess  probabilities of potential genetic disorders.

             High levels of AFP may suggest that the developing baby has a neural  tube defect such as spina bifida or anencephaly. However, the most common  reason for elevated AFP levels is inaccurate dating of the pregnancy.

Low levels of AFP and abnormal levels of hCG and estriol may indicate   that the developing baby has Trisomy 21(Down syndrome), Trisomy 18  (Edwards  Syndrome) or another type of chromosome abnormality. 

This test is also known at Multiple Marker Screening
and is recommended that I have it because of the risk factors which include:

Have a history of birth defects
over the age of 35
Used possible harmful medications or drugs during pregnancy
Have diabetes and use insulin
had a viral infection during pregnancy
been exposed to high levels of radiation.

So because I have diabetes and been taking insulin, this is why I am having it done.

No harm to the baby,

just another needle sucking my blood.

So, we are one day out from

hopefully finding out what we are having.

I am so excited, and nervous at the same time.

It's like knowing your giving a big presentation

and it's just impending..

knowing you are marrying your best friend

but you have to wait for the rehearsal to be over

before you can go to bed and wake up for the day.

We are trilled to find out,

to make sure things look okay

and healthy.

So.. what will it be?

Blue or Pink?

Or Orange or Purple?

Thankful Thursday...

2011-06-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

I've restarted this post about

three times,

so i'm going with Thankful Thursday.

I don't feel thankful for everything but

I'm thankful for Thursdays.

typically I have all of my doctor appointments on Thursday's.

It works with my schedule

and my clients' needs.

This Thursday I'm doctor free

but NEXT WEEK.. oh next week is the big week.

Next week, on Thursday we have our next ultrasound.

We will hopefully find out the sex of our growing baby.

I'm so excited, and overwhelmed.

I'm happy to see is grow, heck i'm thankful it's growing

and so big i'm sure.

I'm thankful that we are able to use technology to see our little one

and see it's progress.

I'm thankful that I was given this opportunity to

carry a child, knowing some cannot,

and some struggle very much.

I'm thankful that I have had low blood sugars,

and no matter how much they hurt me,

they make me feel like crap

or I feel like i'm going to pass out,

I know it is because

our baby is growing and I must be doing

SOMETHING

right.

I'm also thankful for the people in my life,

either friends or family

that are there for me.

The ones that care about my well being,

who help me in any way they can,

they shop for me, they make things for me,

they use their hands to help build things for me.

I cannot thank them more from the bottom of my heart.

I am forever thankful for these people I have in my life.

and with all of those great people

that I am so completely thankful for

it makes me sad the people in our lives that aren't filling

those shoes, or aren't present.

It just saddens me to think some people

aren't letting things go,

or aren't thinking about positive things in our lives and

making the best out of bad situations.

I wish I could fix everything, but

obviously I can't.

I'm only saying this, not to that those people

will read this,

(that's not my intention nor do I think most of them read this)

but it's bringing me down,

and I know I can't expect

everyone to try and be positive

because I have to

but because it's easier for me to write it here

than keep thinking it.

I just wish this world was more positive,

and less individualized.

I don't think this will ever change for me,

but just know, no friends and family

are perfect,

and it's just how far are you willing to

push yourself to stop allowing those

negative people

bother you and make you feel worse.

Okay,

I'm ending this post now by saying

how thankful I am for life,

for freedom,

for technology,

for skilled doctors,

for loved ones,

for the strength within

and for pets.

Because when you sure do feel crappy

or deal with blood sugars,

it's great to have them to lick your face off!!!

What are You thankful for?

baking.. both in the oven and in the belly..

2011-06-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

I have to admit,

I do love baking, but normally when I bake in my oven

I don't get as many low blood sugars as baking this baby.

Yes, I talk about baking this baby..

oh well.

That's pretty much what I do.

Feed it, allow it to rise in time,

keep the door closed ( i guess, that's odd, sorry)

allow it to do it's thing.

wait until the timer is done

and the BING, bakin's done.

Just mine takes 10 months not

20 minutes.

Oh wouldn't that be worth it. HA

Anyway, before I talk about baby stuff, here is my post

about the recipe from yesterday

the RED VELVET CAKE

which i cut into butterflies..

it made, 14 of these with tons of

leftover pieces.

This is what they look like when I was almost

finished decorating

So I have made one pretty similar to this, but I used

the Red Velvet Sheet cake from Pioneer Woman

Ree Drummond is lovely.

So First here are the ingredients you need:

2 1/2 Cups Cake Flour(I've used all purpose many times too)

1 1/4 teaspoon Salt

2 Eggs

1 Cup Buttermilk

1 Cup Shortning

1 3/4 Cup Sugar

1 teaspoon Vanilla

1 teaspoon Baking Soda

1 1/2 teaspoon White Vinegar

1.5 bottles of Red Food Coloring

(it is 1 1/2oz, you can also use different colors than Red. )

1 1/2 teaspoon Cocoa Powder

( I used 2 whole teaspoons)

And you need a 350 Degree Oven. Also make sure whatever pan you are using,

make sure it is super greased up. I use

Wilton's Cake Release which is upside down in the photo

but you can spray or butter the pan(s) too

Okay so first you sift the Flour and Salt together

Then mix Buttermilk, Eggs, Vanilla, baking soda and Vinegar in a bowl

and mix well.

I would put this my mixer but realized I didn't want that and moved it.

lol

Then mix Cocoa Powder and Food Coloring

Then cream shortening and sugar together

Then alternate putting the buttermilk mixture

and flour mixture in to the

creamed shortening and sugar.

oh yeah, I use bakers sugar, it is super fine

and is only a little more expensive than

regular sugar

and in case you are wondering, I am not using splenda in

my cooking or drinks now, to

1. help keep my bs's up

and 2. I'm trying to limit the amount I have of it as it isn't good for

little growing baby.

so real sugar it is.

okay back to baking

When it's mixed

then put in the food coloring and cocoa

and side note, don't spill this on the WHITE TILE COUNTERTOP

you have.Bad bad.

I had to move everything and quickly bleach it.

Aweosme.

okay so then put it in your pan

and smooth it out so it is level and even

then bake at 350 for 20 minutes

If you use a bigger pan or make it thicker

I would go for 30 minutes and check on it every 5

until done.

Also, while I cook/bake I always try to find something

where i put my scraps or pieces in.

So I don't have to keep running to the garbage.

Smart!

Okay for the frosting,

I've used this many times,

it's super fluffy and smooth and

not super heavy. LOVE IT.

OKay it starts like this,

5 Tablespoons of flour and 1 cup of milk.

You can use half and half or whipping cream too

then whisk that until it is thick

like a pudding.

Don't worry, it'll be lumpy and goopy

and weird looking. PROMISE

You're doing everything right. When all of it is like that

put it into a bowl from room temp until your cake it done,

by then it is cooled off enough.

Only use it when it is cooled. If your in a hurry you can cover it and put it in the fridge

of in another bowl in a ice bath

in your mixer mix 1cup of butter, softened,

and 1 cup of GRANULATED sugar NOT powdered

Add Vanilla to the cooled flour mixture.

Then beat the living daylights out of this, no joke

sometimes it takes 7-8 minutes.

Just keep going

then it will just fluff.

White, fluffy, smooth, creamy, light

PUFFED WHITE FROSTING!

Perfect.

I piped mine, but you can spread it too.

This makes enough for 12 cupcakes or

a small cake.

I piped it on my 14 butterflies with about a cup extra.

ENJOY!!!

Okay baby news.

Seriously, I thought these low days were over

I have consistently been in the 50's

and it is super annoying.

this baby is working me out.

I get not one single sign.

NOTHING.
I have no idea what my blood sugar is doing.

It's so frustrating.

The CGM doesn't tell me exactly what is going on

and I just have to think,

well, it's been _____ long since i've

tested, I'll test again.

BAM

or 51

53 and falling with two arrows down.

AWESOME.

HATRED.

While making this cake, I had two lows,

one 51 and one 53.

How terrible.

I ate over 8 whole glucose tabs

chugged juice from the container

and even ate cake and fruit

NOTHING.

Then I get all tired and feel like i've hit a truck or something.

It's good, better than being high

but I am so scared of not knowing when it's coming.

I feel like my fingers are being so abused it's not funny.

I am just telling myself

and baby

that if this is him (or her)

telling me their hungry or growing,

i'll try and eat more.

It's just not as easy as the movies tell you.

Maybe being diabetic I have to drink and eat when i'm not hungry

because of the numbers

so when I do get to eat, i'm not starving

or craving anything.

Which also is affecting my weight.

I lost the 4lbs I gained a couple of weeks ago,

which I felt it was just the growing I felt I was going through.

I felt it.

But now they are worried that I am not eating enough and pushing for those 2500 calories.

ugghhh

I'm trying.

I never knew how hard it would be to

try and gain weight for a baby.

I'm already (and sad to admit)

getting to where it takes a breath away to get off the couch,

walk up and down the stairs a few times

especially while carrying something.

I feel helpless.

Like carrying laundry downstairs is NOT hard,

or hardly a stupid workout.

I can walk and i'm okay,

but anything physical,

I just feel like my baby and everything that goes with it

just stops me from moving around comfortably.
and it's only

going to get worse.

Awesome!

When I can get Austin to upload a photo I will post

photos of the belly!!

hard to believe we are 18 weeks and 3 days now. Time flies

I don't know if enough will comment but

we find out the sex either the 23rd or 27th.

Anyone wanna guess what it is?

Anyways, thanks for reading!

Stay tuned!

-C-

Baking for the other Momma!!

2011-06-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

I know i've posted a LOT

about my diabetes

as well as

this pregnancy.

Neither of them got a second out of my

day but I thought

i'd share something

completely NOT related

to Diabetes, or pregnancy.

Something that is delicious, fun to make,

and makes you thankful

for being able to have it

knowing the baby might want it too!! haha

We are heading to see our friends

from college in Dubuque

(i'm actually doing this while Austin gets ready)

But in case you have an upcoming activity

and want to make a cake of your own

this Red Velvet is the perfect one!

I'm making you very hungry while just posting photos

until I post later!!

Enjoy!

This is the frosting I have used many times before.

This is the base, milk and flour headed to a pudding.

I didn't get the rest of the photos, but you cream 1c butter with 1cup REAL granulated sugar.

then here is the rest of the mini cakes

then finished..

Hope you enjoy!

I'll post the recipe tomorrow sometime!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

-C and A

Oh baby....

2011-06-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

So I know I have been MIA

lately.

I feel like between work, swollen ankles

and being plain out exhausted has gotten the worse of me.

But I promise, we are still

in now week 17 (specifically 17 and 6 days)

and baby is a growing.

This I KNOW.

So a couple things I have learned,

some about being pregnant,

some about diabetes and pregnancy

I'll just do a list. It's easier!

1. People seriously stare at you like it's their job to figure out your new shape.

2. Getting up and down, and moving side to side is NOT

as easy. I used to be pretty darn flexible and never had trouble

bending, or at least discomfort.

HELLO BABY.

3. I do not enjoy just getting up from the couch, picking up some laundry, or doing the dishes

and seriously, being out of breath.

this I am NOT going to get used to.

4. Maternity clothes are expensive.

Not just are they expensive, there is NO selection.

Thankfully, my MIL

is making me dresses and some shirts and she has been

putting pockets in for my pump.

5. If there is a headache, there is some diet coke.

I know, you aren't supposed to have caffeine while

pregnant, and I know it is bad.

But I am hoping, baby thinks it's better for me to have say, a glass of diet pepsi

once a week or every 2 weeks, just depends

instead of hurting my liver more with taking tylenol

(p.s. since we are all being honest here, the only pre-existing

other problem I have going into pregnancy

is that I have an enlarged liver

and so far when I tried medication it only made it worse

and did nothing but cause problems.

The one drug they told me to never take is

Tylenol or acetaminophen and

being pregnant you are ONLY allowed those meds.

So I take having a little diet pepsi over tylenol.)

6. I have noticed that every other day, or two days is a bad day.

I will have an extra 5-10 units of insulin needed on those bad days.

7. For those that are interested in my insulin changes here they are.

Also remember, that every single person who needs

insulin is different.

Everyones bodies are different and

just because mine are higher than

"someone you may heard of"

"something you heard from your doctor/friend/TV/Magazine"

We are all different.

Okay pre-diabetes,

I took 2units per carb roughly, of Novolog

and 28units at night time for Levemir.

When I became pregnant I was changed from

Levemir to Humalin N NPH.

My Novolog doses changed, but mostly

breakfast: 1u :5 carb

lunch 1u:5 and sometimes 4 carbs

and dinner started at 1u: 6 carb to 1:3

Right now I am still 1:5, 1:5 and 1:3.

I also am having now on the pump

2.70units of Novolog per hour.

My NPH before pump was:

Morning: 16units

Dinner: 30 units

Bedtime: 60 units

So I went from 106units to only around 64 units.

8. When the baby is growing, beforehand I feel like crap,

all over blah, no energy, no appetite,

no motivation.

Then in about 2 days I feel like I've gained 100lbs.

Yeah, that feels crappy too.

9. For the first Trimester I gained only 4lbs.

That is great.

However when I stopped taking birth control,

I gained about 15.

Which after researching and calling the company,

that affects 1.2% of the women who take it and stop.

AWSOME.

10. I am now at 16weeks, had gained another 3lbs from the 4.

So with only baby I have gained 7lbs.

11. I have been dealing with low blood sugars during the night now

and my pump alarms, yells at me,

and then

I test, and in fact I am facing a predicting low.

I've now been drinking juice boxes, in my sleep,

and woke up one night with the juicebox straw still in my mouth,

my bloody finger dried against my cream sheets and

pump light still on.

AWESOME.

12. During the day, I have had to do

a temporary basal rate (the one that is 2.70 units per hour)

to 50-70% less.

13. I felt the baby move for the first real time

two days ago.

It was very weird.

Actually it was Monday, while I watched and cheered clients on

while bowling.

It felt like a pinball machine

and I was not winning.

14. I now can eat pretty much an entire whole, seedless watermelon,

or a whole fresh pineapple

with my blood sugars dropping.

I promise I am not doing this, but with out measuring it,

or whatever,

it is as though I am drinking water.

It's awesome.

15. I HATE shaving.

It is so uncomfortable, my legs cramp up and

it is not fun.

I know, it's only going to get worse

but some how I wish there was an invention

where we stepped into this like

auto water sander

that we'd put our legs in and

while getting wet it's sand our hair down like we shaved.

okay, so that might have been stupid but while in the shower

I think of all the ways I can possibly get around not having to shave

by inventing other things.

My other invention was getting Austin very upset, and allowing him

to wax my legs.

I think i'll wait on that one.

I hope that helped answer some questions, or

allowed you to understand my diabetes pregnancy life a little better.

If anyone ever has questions please feel free to contact me or

even email!!

Thanks again for reading!

I promise next post I will try to get my 15 week, 16 week and 17 week photo posted.

I'm Popping..:)

Take care everyone!

-C and A

A new day, a new technology

2011-06-02T12:52:00.000-07:00

Today is CGM day.

I knew this was coming, and after getting the pump on

on May 9, 2011

I knew the CGM was the part I wanted that would help me know

what was going on when I didn't.

Well, I met with my awesome

Pump Nurse Peggy!

By far the most educated and patient person yet

that has given me the most

confidence that I can do this.

So after an hour of "class"

or educating me on the

technology of this little device, and how to work the

duel and square wave bolus's (I'll talk about this in a different post)

and when I might want to use them

I was then taught how to put it on, what is what

and then this happened..

BAM, there it is.

The big white thing is the actual sensor

that shoots to my pump and tells me what my numbers are.

Now, in case I have almost lost you

just skip this part too.

(The blood "sugar" this sensor checks is not really my blood sugar

because it is in the interstitial fluid which is different then when I do blood checks.

So at times, the numbers will not always match perfectly,

but it is a good estimate of what my BS should be)

the purple part, which you can see is full of blood

is the part that is stuck inside of me.

Much like my pump cannula, the needle

is fed under my skin with the cannula

to help it go in

and then I pull the needles out.

I will post on my next site changes the size of them.

This is what I see on my pump now that I am now receiving

data:

So now that I did my pump site change

this is what I'm looking like today, and for the next 2.5 days

What a Robot? Really. I think that describes how I feel perfectly.

Plus, my belly is getting bigger,

obviously.

Not to also mention, these pregnancy pants are HORRIBLE photo

takers. so sorry if I blinded any of you!

Speaking of belly, here is where we are at today:

16 weeks 7 days!

and now for the little alien..

No, this is not my belly button,

no this is not my child

this is one of two bumps

you can see through my shirts.

Sometimes I think about when I'm out shopping

and people see these and wonder what is wrong with me.

Do I have an alien in there?

sometimes I think so..

Oh technology...

Finding those positives...

2011-06-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

Before I say anything,

I am 16 weeks and 6 days pregnant

with baby Kimler.

CRAZY.

I know it has been a while

since something nice was posted about diabetes,

but lately,

even though it is ALWAYS at the front of everything

I do and I think about it before I go to bed,

during the time where I am supposed to be sleeping,

and the first thing when I wake up.

BUT,

I can feel that baby is growing.

I felt an all of a sudden "pop"

and then BAM,

baby is REALLY growing,

this is weird.

then all I can think about

is how great my friends and family have been.

Between my sisters being so excited and asking how i'd doing,

to my mom who cannot be ANYMORE thrilled

for another baby in the family,

to my mother in law who is

pretty much a maternity clothing factory these days,

making me many different dresses and shirts to wear

as these maternity clothing in stores

are either super stupidly

expensive,

or too long, or not comfortable or

not for my age.

My father in law and my husband Grandparents who have been

working so hard with house questions, projects,

always lending a hand.

I cannot think of a better family

to have on both sides.

And that my husband

is so supportive and helpful

and putting me first.

Don't think for a second he doesn't already,

but really, when i come home and he's willing to help

in the kitchen or bring boxes up or down stairs.

He's always understanding that

not only am I getting, slower,

bigger, and i'm sure much more

emotional

but he's there in this.

He's just my rock and I am so thankful that Diabetes so far isn't keeping me

from trying to find the good

in this pregnancy.

OKay back to baby updates

Also, I have had another OB appointment since

April and it was okay.

I don't care for this doctor either,

she was pretty much whispering and didn't feel any more

confident she knew anything about diabetes.

I'm really sick of being told that

this place is the best for "high risk"

yet I am doing more of the educating when it comes to

pregnancy and diabetes.

It's like I feel like I know nothing, but when I meet with some of

these doctors,

I feel like a CDE or something.

BTW- CDE stands for Certified Diabetes Educator.

I go again on June 23rd but

on June 27th I have a level 2 ultrasound.

I have NO IDEA what is involved with a level 2, so if you do,

please feel free to inform me!

Also, hopefully we'll find out what it is I am carrying?

Baby Boy Kimler

Baby Girl Kimler!!!

Thanks for sticking by me and supporting me

and reading about our life and

our journey!

-Cassie, Austin and BabyK!

Heal My Sole.. or Fingers..

2011-05-31T21:51:00.000-07:00

I know I have been some what

MIA

lately.

I promise I have plenty to share with you all

regarding more updates with the

little growing Kimler.

I've been battling headaches and some

stomach/over all feeling of not feeling good

if that explains it at all.

But,

ever since I checked out Sarah from

Thrifty Decor Chick

(if you don't check her out you REALLY should now)

guest post regarding her giveaway for

a store named Heal My Sole

I checked it out.

Maybe it was my pregnant self wanting

another reason to try something that

might make me feel good,

the fact that my feet and hands are sad looking.

My feet just from the constant abuse of walking in different shoes

all the time

and my poor fingers from all the 16-25 blood sugar checks

a day

they needed help.

So I went to Heal my sole's website:

http://healmysole.com/

and checked out their items.

I MUST TELL YOU,

I promise I was not paid, given anything free, or even

asked to write anything about them. However, If I do ever get anything free

I would gladly accept it!:)

But SERIOUSLY. This stuff is serious.

I bought many things but I really want to tell you

this stuff,

It's the citrus foot rub

However, it smells so tasty, and delicious you almost want to lick it.

Okay, sorry for the TMI

but it smells so good.

I've tried many scrubs before and they are all okay.

But this stuff SERIOUSLY works.

I went to really sad looking fingers with blood marks and pokes

to such soft no blood marks on my fingers.

It has filled in the holes, cleaned them and getting rid of all

the dead skin and have really done wonders on my fingers.

My feet feel great too!

I've used this just about every other day for a week now

and I promise you won't regret this.

Also, not to mention, this 4oz

Citrus Foot Scrub Mini for only

$4.50

was worth $15 I promise.

So you too should stop by and test out some of her products.

You won't be upset I promise!!

-Thanks for being patient with me and

I promise, I'll post baby info soon!

Plus, we are at 16 weeks 5 days can you even BELIEVE it,

time is FLYING!!!

-Cassie

P-Day: May 9, 2011

2011-05-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

All of my anxiety,

all of my stress, worries

time, energy and irritation writing everything

down,

blood sugars, food, carbs, insulin

exercise, how i'm feeling,

all of that I wrote down from

March 8th until now.

I've had my Medtronic Minimed Insulin Pump

the Paradigm 723

in my hands for a few weeks.

I looked at some stuff, but then would get so nervous

I'd stop.

Then I had a problem with the battery and being out of student mode

so I actually couldn't play with it for a while.

I met with my fabulous pump educator Peggy and

this dietitian who will remain nameless

that I did not care for.
Throughout the entire time writing stuff down

each week,

when I met with the dietitian

all she did was criticize what I was eating.

She picked and poked for example:

15g of Strawberries.. she would ask me, well how did you know how much 15g were?

I told her I looked off the worksheet she gave me

She then of course told me I was doing it wrong and

how I should do it.

For EACH THING,

well it seemed like that.

At this point I was exhausted, working and trying to keep up with the energy

that I didn't have

and on top of that, I had this weird thing

where at night time,

at first it was at like 2pm,

then mostly just after work.

I COULD NOT think about food,

I couldn't put foods together,

or plan how to make them

or prepare them.

BAM,

nothing.

You say chicken,

I'd have to try and think about where it would be in my house,

how to cook it,

what to eat with it,

how long it would take to cook,

nothing.

I couldn't do it.

So Austin started making all our meals at night time

bless his heart.

From going to not cooking really,

to making a whole grilled meal,

spaghetti, seasoning meat with a side dish,

to making homemade mashed potatoes,

My way.

What a blessing to me.

So after explaining to her this problem I am having,

she then picked and poked at why I am eating this, or this and how

I can change this, and then

told me I need to stop eating Jack's frozen cheese pizza.

I tried explaining to her,

that was easy, bland,

enough carbs and could be made by my love

of a husband is 13 minutes,

and when I'm nauseous and ready to puke, it's great.

I was so burned out by dealing with her

and all her changes that even my

endocrinologist told me not to listen to.

And then came P-Day.

Pump Day.

( my supplies on my vanity, pump, reservoir, Inserter, tubing with needle/cannula, Novolog(insulin), pen)

I knew this wasn't something I wanted to do without

having a reason.

I am only doing this to help keep our baby

as safe and healthy as possible.

So I went all day to learn about the different features,

basically learn how to

treat my diabetes differently with more insulin

and keeping in mind I am already staying pretty low

she didn't want me doing anything or going anywhere without

juice and glucose tabs.

( This is what is in me at all times. This is put under my skin, with the help of a needle

and this plastic thing is a cannula that the insulin goes into me with)

I was cold, nervous,

sporting my first pair of maternity jeans

and scared.

They told me to be prepared for numbers in the

200's and that it will be okay for the baby.

I was terrified of seeing those numbers

I had worked so hard to not see a number at or near 200 in months.

I cried a couple times.

( The set up)

Then the pump went on.

It wasn't as painful as I thought,

I can feel it being in my skin.

I can feel that tug each time I move and walk.

I started having to take blood sugars,

every 2 hours, before driving, when not feeling well, before meals at bedtime and a

11pm, 1am and 4am.

or of course if I felt low.

Which was about 80% of the first 3 days.

I got acquainted with the pump

well within a day.

( that friendly reminder, 2hr blood check)

So far these are the only positives.

1. It lights up and is a great night light at nighttime.

2. Telling me what my last blood sugar was

when I can't remember,

3. The Alarm features.

It's nice not to try and remember when to do things, or

when I need to wake up and take a BS.

Baby, you are worth this.

Mommy doesn't care for this pump thing

but she knows it is going to help you grow

how you should.

Mommy is trying, and please

forgive me if I have numbers that are out of my control.

How I've been wearing it while in church,

(hidden in the bra under a cardigan)

I love you already baby. Daddy and I can't wait to hear your

heart beat again, or feel you kick soon.

Keep growing big and strong!

Love, Mommy

I hate you stupid articles about CURING type-1.. AHH

2011-05-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

I will admit this is not a positive post, but a honest one.

I've read on other blogs about the Reader's Digest article

and others "claiming" they know how to

"CURE Type 1 Diabetes"

bull-sugar you do.

I don't know what came over me.

I was at Walgreens this morning picking up some sunblock

and stuff for a ballgame with clients and I saw it.

One of those STUPID STUPID magazines about

being able to Cure Type 1.

I was so irritated all I noticed were those words and

I was upset.

I tried finding which one it was online but I didn't.

However, when I did research it,

you wouldn't believe this STUPID people writing about

how eliminating ALL Carbohydrates and Sugar helps cure you.

You're a moron.

As I stood there, tangled in pump tubing,

my pump beeping at me and then the cashier looking at the tubing coming from my boobs and shirt

all I wanted to do was SCREAM.

If someone ever told me they know how to cure Type1 Diabetes,

I'm punch them in the face, seriously, no joking.

(between writing that so far I cried on Austin's sleeve as he just came home.

Gosh these hormones MUST be on high alert)

Or am I realizing this now

I wish I could explain to those people

how difficult, time consuming, expensive, draining and frustrating it is

to have this type of disease

where you are NOT in control.

I mean we try to do our best, can follow directions either from a doctor or

our body, change all the time,

do adjustments the best that we can.

But what people don't understand, is it isn't up to us.

While diving home FINALLY from Target after waiting out over 25minutes

in the car eating, drinking,

and chasing that stubborn low that would NOT go up.

I finally decided to drive at a stubborn 70

and prayed I got home okay.

But seriously,

to those who THINK you can "Cure" Type-1

(which I hope no one reading this WOULD think)

I wish Diabetes didn't run my life.

I wish my body wouldn't shake

I wish it didn't feel like my limbs were literally failing to work

I HATE dropping things because all of a sudden my hands are shaking

I hate not being able to drive because of a low blood sugar

I hate having to carry a million things with me

I HATE when i forgot or run out of insulin and i'm not near home

I wish I didn't have to eat when I'm not hungry

I wish I'd never have to know what a glucose tab was

I wish my eyes never fail me because of a stupid blood sugar

I wish I could speak when my body dips low

I hate it more than anything, that I can't live a normal day, and that

regardless of how they feel about it,

I feel like such a burden to my friends and family

I hate that some friends or family don't know what it's like

to not be in control of your own body.

It's so hard to explain how

a hard day affects me.

and now, I beat myself up when I have a blood sugar above 130.

Non diabetics- It super hard to go months and months with out getting

one above this.

I work so hard, and things out of my control take that control away

I hate Diabetes, I hate it.

I know I'm not alone, and that makes me happy,

but I wish I could live a day without it.

Taking a shower with out any pump supplies, needles in,

tape on my body

is a blessing.

One single shower... think about your next shower and how great it is to be

free from your failing body.

uggh.. sorry for the downer but it is that kind of day.

No pick me ups, just downer..

Attention Insulin Pump Users..

2011-05-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

So I haven't had my pump very long

but I am just curious to all of those pumpers out there,

When insulin is being pushed by the piston

can you here it kind of clicking?

I notice this in the morning and when everything is super quiet but

is this normal?

I keep forgetting to ask about it but

I haven't dropped it or anything and

my numbers keep looking fine.

You just normally don't hear your device

making noise unless it's not working correctly?

Thanks for all the help!

Rump, and Dr. Confidence

2011-05-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

After seeing Dr. Uneducated I was bummed.

I was upset, but I was so happy we were able to see

baby that until I started to tell

other family members of my experience

I then started to feel bad that I didn't speak up.

I know now, I have the right to stop feeling this way.

For once, I'm actually in the seat to

say yes or no.

Typically, for my life with doctors,
I don't get a chance too often, just because for example, there are only so many doctors in my plan

or so many endocrinologists( but I LOVE mine)

so I've just dealt with them.

But those baby pictures were just too cute.

Here's I'll show you again,

I know it is hard to see on here but it's so cute.

Little body, little head, little rump.

hehe, Rump.

Cute name for the butt area I think.

hehe

anyways,

so I had another appointment for 2 weeks to see the progress and

to make sure things are going well.

I also had blood work taken today and I'll find out the next time how it went.

I had my routine visit with my endo Dr. H.

She's really great.

I appreciate her help, her knowledge for for telling me

honestly what she's seeing and how she feels.

I think I forgot to mention, part of my prework this past month was

24 hour Urine Test (GROSS, never will I enjoy or want to do this again, and I told her)

Blood work, for A1C= 6.3

As well as scheduling for a pump class at the Diabetes Center.

She said I am doing a great job and I also enjoy

that no matter what

she'll be honest in helping me get through this pregnancy.

After seeing her, I then had another appointment with the Group

for a different OBGYN.

After the first one, I'm still optimistic that I can find one better.

This was a man, and the man I've had most of all my life

and delivered me,

Dr. John Carroll

is, well shucks there aren't words.
He's fantastic, caring, helpful, and a GREAT MAN.

I don't think I'll ever compare anyone to him.

So I met who I am calling Dr. Confidence.

He's tall, older and kind.

Comes in shakes my hand, thankfully I'm not naked this time

but I am alone, Austin stayed at work.

So he came in, reviewed my information,

discussed getting on the pump,

he was manly optimistic and kind.

After seeing my blood results and 24 hour urine test

he said things look normal.

NORMAL?

What the heck is normal.

In my life, I don't remember being normal, except maybe in middle school or some of high school.

It felt good, even though I laughed when he said that.

My last A1C was on the 8th of March,

while I was still on the insulin Levemir which you cannot be on while pregnant

or trying.

So when I was taken off that, I started on

Humalin N which is an NPH insulin.

This type peaks better and will help me manage my blood sugars throughout the day

when I'm not eating or taking my other kind.

This helped me so much.

It really helped me mange them better,

especially those early morning blood sugars.

So back to Dr. Confidence.

He told me my A1C was great, my readings look good.

He was in and out,

straight to the point, confident,

Checked me out, said things look great.

He couldn't find the heartbeat and I reminded him that

I was told I'm having another ultrasound today.

After asking more questions regarding

my previous cycles,

he then decided to go ahead and do it.

He told me what he was going to do, what I would be doing and going

and when i'd see him next.

A lady came in, got me

did an ultrasound,

Saw bigger moving baby.

He's so cute!!!

(Remember I'm saying he until we know different)

I saw little arms and legs moving, his body floating

in his little bubble.

Here is what he looks like on 4-28-2011

look at the little head.

The heart rate today was 170, and strong.

The lady was really nice, and when I got back in

Dr. Confidence came

and reviewed everything with him and

made an appointment for another month so

on May 26th I go again.

I liked him. He was helpful,

said great things,

told me the truth, and

was supportive.

Things are looking up.

I attended a full day of Diabetes Education (much like I had when I was first diagnosed

and didn't learn much but helped others I think.

Next we have the Pump day, figuring out basal rates,

sensitivity factors and pumping for the first time.

I do want to say how thankful I am for all the people

reading our blog.

We really appreciate all of the support

comments, messages, emails and

lurkers for reading.

Please feel free at any time to comment, email or

get ahold of me if you have a story to tell me,

to share with others

or some things you've gone through in your pregnancy.

Thank you all again!

-Cassie and Austin-

seeing baby move and meeting Dr. Uneducated....

2011-05-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

So after getting the pump and a little before

I was under orders to write everything down. my sheets looked like this:

I basically wrote down everything that I was eating,

how many carbohydrates each item has.

This was annoying, mostly because between the 6-7 different

insulin injections and writing this all down

I was exhausted, more than I already was.

Oh yeah, and lets quickly talk about how TIRED I am.

Seriously, low blood sugars, tired passed exhaustion.

Another weird thing is

at night time, when i was able to fight through that nauseousness,

something happened.

In the evenings, I cannot concept food

let me explain.

After 3-4pm, I can't think about how to make food,

you say chicken and I can't think about what it looks like,

what it tastes like,

how to cook it,

or what to do with it.

Seriously, no joke, not funny and totally debilitating.

Austin would ask what I want, i'd throw myself over the couch or chair and just mumble.

I can't think.

I don't know what food is.

One day i was proud to walk him through how to make

homemade mashed potatoes.

But, unless he just does it and doesn't ask me questions,

I can't figure it out.

When he asks because he forgets and he wants to make me happy.

I try to write everything down, count carbs take both insulins

and then i'm stuck.

When he asks a food question (which i'm already nauseous)

i freak out, panic, can't count, can't push my fingers on the calculator to

figure out the carb counting

and i'm crying now, crying like a little girl.

So glad most of that is over, at least the thinking part of it.

This was all for the preparation for the insulin pump which I am today

in my second week of but I'll get to that in a different post.

4/14/2011

Anyway, I had my first OB appointment with a doctor,

who i'll name Dr. Uneducated.

First to make this a happy visit this is our little baby,

looking all perfect and beautiful:

and with a heart rate of 165.

Beautiful beautiful baby.

Austin was with me for the first part, and then he left to go back to work

and tell his boss and coworkers about our little baby.

I stayed and met with my first of 6 OBGYN Doctors.

So I met with Dr. Uneducated and I'm going to paint the picture for you

1. small COLD COLD exam room

2. Given what I call a folded napkin like paper to cover my ENTIRE BODY.

3.When given the napkin, literally the freakin size of a kitchen napkin, the kind you unfold in 4 squares.

4. Completely naked and use this as a coverup.

5. Hell, that thing only covered ONE of my B cup boobs, HELLO.

6. Did I mention, this room was very cold.

7. As I push the button, naked a nurse comes in and asks if she (Dr. Uneducated can bring in a student)

8. Why the Heck not, let's scare them.

9. Dr. Uneducated came in with student.

10. They sat down, asking questions, mentioning it's hot in here and wondering if they can turn the air on.

HECK NO, I'm shivering and have goose bumps on my body i'm so cold.

questions were typical:

Medical history (which included much T1 talk)

Family History,

Blood pressure check

Protein in urine check

What doctors i'm seeing.. and so on.

SO after "chatting" of 45 minutes of so,

naked, (i won't let you live this mental image down, i'm sorry)

then she did the physical body check and exam.

Did the breast check, after explaining over and over I've had a reduction.

She FREAKED out when she saw the scars.. big woop.

then when she saw my battle wounds..

as in injection bruises

she literally moved back,

acted as if I have some type of plague,

raised her voice and said

Dr. Uneducated: "Umm. What are those from?"

Me: Umm, i'm diabetic remember

Dr. Uneducated: "uggh, do you take injections?"

Me: (in my head) No shit, did you not learn this in school. Type 1 diabetics only live

by giving them self injections of insulin.

HELLO.

She stood still.

I was laying there, her not wanting to touch me,

and I then sat up and explained how type 1 happens,

why I have to have injections, how mine is different than

type 2 and that sometimes, mine result in bruises.

And I give my injections typically in the stomach.

Then she challenged me in asking,

are you sure you're Type 1?

Didn't they test you for Type 2.

(she made some kind of comment about how I weigh more than the average type 1

and that you are normally diagnosed younger than I was at 21)

I never felt so propelled to walk my naked butt out of that office.

At first I liked her because I have the same cardigan as she was wearing,

however, how dumb are you.

I asked for a doctor who knows and is comfortable with Type 1's.

They tell me they are the best here.

I pretty much and too pissed off, upset, angry and irritated

to look her in the face.

I'm still mad writing this over a month later.

I am still puzzled as to how she passed medical school.

All I have to say, and any diabetic who is currently pregnant or wants to become a mommy,

NEVER EVER, let someone make you feel so belittled

because you don't compare to the text book.

I didn't speak up when I should have.

I wish I would have stood up and complained.

I wish the student would have said something.

This is a serious disease that takes a heck of a lot of work,

and time, and energy and money.

Don't accept anyone that treats you differently.

I think I am finding my voice, and hopefully

my baby will never have to meet that Dr. Uneducated

when it is time.

Shame on you Dr. Uneducated.

Has this every happened to you? What did you do?

finding out part 2....

2011-05-18T15:11:00.000-07:00

After we hugged and kissed

we just sat down and couldn't believe this was

real.

Let me back up...

like say the whole 2 months leading up to this date,

March 10, 2011.

(i'm guessing with 2 months but play along)

I panicked. I freaked out.

I contemplated over and over,

maybe I can't do this.

what if, what if what if.

This is where I love my husband more and more

EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.

I don't know if i'll have a healthy pregnancy.

I don't know if my diabetes will stay or ever get under great control.

I don't know if I can work hard enough to make sure he will be okay.

(I REALLY want a boy, so I am using he until I know different)

What if I fail?

what if i get preeclampsia?

What if my blood pressure gets to high?

What if I never get to see my child alive?

WORRIED WORRIED WORRIED.

Thank you Austin, for dealing with this.

he did.

He'd tell me it'll all be alright.

I bet neither of us can recall

how many dinners I cried through telling him

I'm done with this. I'm just gunna go back on the pill

and not think about this yet. I'm not ready.

He got upset. I got upset.

I hated being so wishy washy but

knowing I HATE being out of control

scared me to think

i'll lose control.

(Okay back to March 10, 2011)

I didn't feel the same anymore.

I know now, I am able to get pregnant.

I'm able to see this:

This picture was actually taken as a gift

to Austin on our 2nd wedding anniversary.

Not really a gift, but so he can see what I saw.

We're parents.

We don't know how this will go, and no one does except

Austin's grandmother, Nanny, and my grandfather Papa

because I told them to make this happen if we can do it.

BAM, they really listen.

After March 10th, (Thursday)

I then went in first thing on Monday the 14th for

another HCG blood test.

(the 14th is our Anniversary btw)

March 10th- HCG 125

March 14th- HCG 516

We were so happy. It's increasing.

In my medical records, I am now pregnant.

Then to make suer things were progressing,

my doctors wanted another HCG on

Wednesday the 16th.

March 16th- HCG 1000!!!!

YAY!!!

I then started by two week appointments with

my endocrinologist

Dr. H.

We decide 100% to go on the insulin pump.

Today starts the day I write down

every. single. thing. I. eat.

blood sugars at those times, how I am feeling and so on.

I did this,

saw the pump educator, dietitian

over and over again for weeks.

My pump came on April 10th.

My first OB appointment at the Group

is on April 14th.

So far, as far as symptoms go, I am tired in the afternoon at around 2pm

and ON.

I'm trying to take naps,

my sense of smell in INSANE.

I start getting nauseous throughout the late afternoon into evening.

I only puked really because of body smells my clients had.

I could smell I swear

hair follicle's growing... YUCK.

Otherwise no vomiting for me!

Thank you.

Next: First OB appointment, setting up insulin pump dates,

working while pregnant, swollen feet, and mental/emotional status.. stay tuned...