Monday, May 23, 2011

I hate you stupid articles about CURING type-1.. AHH

I will admit this is not a positive post, but a honest one. 

I've read on other blogs about the Reader's Digest article 
and others "claiming" they know how to 
"CURE Type 1 Diabetes"

bull-sugar you do. 

I don't know what came over me. 
I was at Walgreens this morning picking up some sunblock
and stuff for a ballgame with clients and I saw it. 
One of those STUPID STUPID magazines about
being able to Cure Type 1. 
I was so irritated all I noticed were those words and 
I was upset. 

I tried finding which one it was online but I didn't. 
However, when I did research it, 
you wouldn't believe this STUPID people writing about 
how eliminating ALL Carbohydrates and Sugar helps cure you. 
You're a moron.

As I stood there, tangled in pump tubing, 
my pump beeping at me and then the cashier looking at the tubing coming from my boobs and shirt
all I wanted to do was SCREAM.

If someone ever told me they know how to cure Type1 Diabetes,
I'm punch them in the face, seriously, no joking. 

(between writing that so far I cried on Austin's sleeve as he just came home. 
Gosh these hormones MUST be on high alert)
Or am I realizing this now 

I wish I could explain to those people
how difficult, time consuming, expensive, draining and frustrating it is
to have this type of disease 
where you are NOT in control. 
I mean we try to do our best, can follow directions either from a doctor or 
our body, change all the time,
do adjustments the best that we can. 
But what people don't understand, is it isn't up to us.

While diving home FINALLY from Target after waiting out over 25minutes
in the car eating, drinking,
and chasing that stubborn low that would NOT go up. 
I finally decided to drive at a stubborn 70
and prayed I got home okay. 

But seriously, 
to those who THINK you can "Cure" Type-1
(which I hope no one reading this WOULD think)

I wish Diabetes didn't run my life.
I wish my body wouldn't shake
I wish it didn't feel like my limbs were literally failing to work
I HATE dropping things because all of a sudden my hands are shaking
I hate not being able to drive because of a low blood sugar
I hate having to carry a million things with me
I HATE when i forgot or run out of insulin and i'm not near home
I wish I didn't have to eat when I'm not hungry
I wish I'd never have to know what a glucose tab was
I wish my eyes never fail me because of a stupid blood sugar
I wish I could speak when my body dips low
I hate it more than anything, that I can't live a normal day, and that
regardless of how they feel about it, 
I feel like such a burden to my friends and family
I hate that some friends or family don't know what it's like
to not be in control of your own body. 
It's so hard to explain how
a hard day affects me. 

and now, I beat myself up when I have a blood sugar above 130. 
Non diabetics- It super hard to go months and months with out getting
one above this. 
I work so hard, and things out of my control take that control away

I hate Diabetes, I hate it.
I know I'm not alone, and that makes me happy,
but I wish I could live a day without it. 

Taking a shower with out any pump supplies, needles in, 
tape on my body
is a blessing. 

One single shower... think about your next shower and how great it is to be
free from your failing body. 

uggh.. sorry for the downer but it is that kind of day. 
No pick me ups, just downer..

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