Wednesday, May 18, 2011

finding out part 2....

After we hugged and kissed 
we just sat down and couldn't believe this was

Let me back up... 
like say the whole 2 months leading up to this date, 
March 10, 2011.

(i'm guessing with 2 months but play along)
I panicked. I freaked out. 
I contemplated over and over,
maybe I can't do this.
what if, what if what if. 
This is where I love my husband more and more 
I don't know if i'll have a healthy pregnancy. 
I don't know if my diabetes will stay or ever get under great control.
I don't know if I can work hard enough to make sure he will be okay.
(I REALLY want a boy, so I am using he until I know different)
What if I fail?
what if i get preeclampsia?  
What if my blood pressure gets to high?
What if I never get to see my child alive?

Thank you Austin, for dealing with this. 
he did. 
He'd tell me it'll all be alright. 
I bet neither of us can recall 
how many dinners I cried through telling him
I'm done with this. I'm just gunna go back on the pill
and not think about this yet. I'm not ready. 
He got upset. I got upset. 
I hated being so wishy washy but 
knowing I HATE being out of control
scared me to think
i'll lose control. 

(Okay back to March 10, 2011)
I didn't feel the same anymore. 
I know now, I am able to get pregnant. 
I'm able to see this:

This picture was actually taken as a gift 
to Austin on our 2nd wedding anniversary. 
Not really a gift, but so he can see what I saw.
We're parents. 
We don't know how this will go, and no one does except
Austin's grandmother, Nanny, and my grandfather Papa
because I told them to make this happen if we can do it. 
BAM, they really listen. 

After March 10th, (Thursday)
I then went in first thing on Monday the 14th for
another HCG blood test. 
(the 14th is our Anniversary btw)
March 10th- HCG 125
March 14th- HCG 516

We were so happy. It's increasing. 
In my medical records, I am now pregnant. 

Then to make suer things were progressing, 
my doctors wanted another HCG on 
Wednesday the 16th.
March 16th- HCG 1000!!!!


I then started by two week appointments with 
my endocrinologist 
Dr. H. 
We decide 100% to go on the insulin pump. 
Today starts the day I write down 
every. single. thing. I. eat. 
blood sugars at those times, how I am feeling and so on. 
I did this, 
saw the pump educator, dietitian 
over and over again for weeks. 

My pump came on April 10th. 
My first OB appointment at the Group
is on April 14th. 

So far, as far as symptoms go, I am tired in the afternoon at around 2pm
and ON. 
I'm trying to take naps, 
my sense of smell in INSANE.
I start getting nauseous throughout the late afternoon into evening. 
I only puked really because of body smells my clients had. 
I could smell I swear
hair follicle's growing... YUCK.

Otherwise no vomiting for me!
Thank you. 

Next: First OB appointment, setting up insulin pump dates,
working while pregnant, swollen feet, and mental/emotional status.. stay tuned...

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